Me on the other hand am mad at the world. I seriously am angry. I'm angry when I go into Ulta and the sales clerks do not know where anything is and don't know about the specials. I'm mad when someone in front of me is not going the speed limit. I'm mad when I am going over the speed limit and someone is tailgating me. I'm mad when someone changes my plans without my consent and afterwards I'm shaking my head and wondering what just happened. I'm mad when people take advantage of other people then deny they are doing it. I'm mad when I call Century Link and they can't find me in their system under my name, my address or even my social security number. I get transferred 3 times before I finally hang up, go downstairs, find the bill, redial the number and get help right away since I've got my account number.
I'm just mad. Maybe I was born yesterday with a gazillion other Baby Boomers but I expect good customer service. I expect to be treated with respect. I expect to be greeted when I walk into a store.
Occasionally I'll go into a place like Trader Joe's and they will meet and exceed my expectations but I've come to realize that doesn't happen very much anymore.
The other night we went out to dinner and I asked the waiter if he had added the tip. He said no, and I said, "Good!!" My friend giggled and I told her he would be happy when he saw how much I tip. He did well. He deserved to be compensated. (On a side note, did you know that in England they must love American tourists because people don't tip over there nor do the servers expect a tip. I assume they get paid a living wage.)
So why am I angry? Because people disappoint you every day. You look at the things people do to others and it is just criminal. People who do things to my people that directly affect their lives in a negative way. It takes me a lot of will power to keep my mouth shut and not confront those who hurt my people.
Why am I like this? Maybe I'm angry because I still have cancer. Maybe I'm angry because it doesn't matter what I do this cancer won't go away. I've done every single treatment they have EVER asked me to do and here I am 5 1/2 years later having to make the same decision I made in the beginning but this time I'm not so sure I want to go there. This time they want me to do chemotherapy and I'm reluctant to go down that path. I know the affects of chemo and how it tears down your body. Problem is my body is in much worse shape that it was when I began all this at the age of 49. I am down one lobe of a lung. My kidney is atrophied and will probably quit working at some time. I've had my liver cut on and ablated several times. I have heart damage. Not once but twice. My intestines are shorter and since that surgery I have suffered with an irritable bowel type syndrome. I cannot carry a child on a flat service without my heart pounding and shortness of breath. So now I'm faced with the prospect of taking more poison in my body to try to attack and shrink the multiple lung mets I have. Then I'll be bedridden, probably have low white counts so I could get an infection.
I want to quote scripture. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I've prayed over and over again. I've had others pray for me. I don't fret much so maybe that's God's peace. But why am I angry???? The joy of the Lord is my strength?? What joy?? Joy would be having the oncologist say to me, "you have no evidence of disease."
I guess this is like the Book of Job. Maybe sometime my life will turn around and I will be crazy happy. Maybe God will make my life 150% better?
I guess that's all I can hope and pray for at this time. Maybe my happiness will come when I get to Heaven.
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