In an earlier blog I told you what my oncologist said to me when I asked him how much time I had. He said, "will you be alive tomorrow?" I said, "I don't know." Then he said, "That's the answer to your question. No one knows."
In October a man named Robert Burris drove into work. He always commuted from a small town south of Des Moines. He got to work on a Friday and complained of a terrible headache. So bad that he had someone follow him to Mercy West Hospital. They did a battery of tests and later that day he was in surgery to remove a brain tumor. They didn't give him much hope even with radiation and chemo but they said if he did them he would last longer. So he did his radiation and his chemo.
Today he passed. They found him dead in his recliner at 2:45. The coroner said he probably died at around 1:30. It's been about three months. From "everything is ok in life" to dead and gone in less than 4 months.
You never know. Life is fragile. Take care of yourself. Love your friends and family. Do good. Be good. Try hard. Live life like there is no tomorrow.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Everyone has a timeline...
I was thinking about this after I dropped Chloe off at school this morning. Everyone has a timeline.
My grandma entered the world in 1915. She exited the world in 2010. She saw 95 years. Most people would say her "timeline" was a long one.
I entered the world in 1959. I used to think it was cool because I was born in the 50s. Now I think it qualifies me as old. But in comparison to my gram, I'm not old at all. If I lived as long as she did, I would have 42 more years!! A lot can happen in 42 years. My grandchildren would all be in their 40s. I would definitely have great grandchildren.
So why is it that some people have shorter "timelines?" I guess the obvious answer is accidents, disease, disability, poor nutrition. Lots of reasons. We are like cars. You take care of the car and it lasts a long time. Regular oil changes, tune ups, etc. If you drive your car and never do any maintenance it will die on you faster. Some cars are lemons. You take care of it and it still falls apart. What ya gonna do?
So I was thinking about it. All of us enter the world somewhere on the continuum and exit another time. None of us has the same experience or time here on earth.
When you get a disease and they tell you you have X number of years to live you go through a process. Denial, anger, bargaining. The whole gamut. Eventually you come to acceptance. But the thing that is hard to accept is what you will miss. My dad passed when my granddaughter, Haven was one. He loved her dearly. He doesn't get to see her now as a precious 4 year old. That's the hard part. The being snuffed out of your family's life and not being able to be a part of their story. Just a memory.
So why don't we regret the things that happened BEFORE we were born. Why am I not bothered by not seeing what my mother saw as a child. Why am I not bothered that I didn't live through the depression? Or witness some historical thing. Why aren't my kids worried about not being alive when a man walked on the moon? It's funny. We only worry about the things we are going to miss, not the things we already missed.
Sometimes your grandparent dies and you are sad because you only had them a short time. But in reality they had 80 or 90 years. They were here enjoying life way before you were born. It's strange isn't it? Am I being too philosophical?
Then there is faith. When you die, do they bury you and end of story?? Is it the Great Sleep some refer to? Does it not bother you because you are gone? Does it only bother others because they miss you? So in the faith I was raised in (Christianity) there is hope in the Lord. You accept Jesus and when you die your soul goes to heaven. Your earthly body (your shell) is buried or burned. You cease to exist but your essence lives on.
We have visions of wearing white robes, having wings and a halo. We walk around in bare feet on streets of gold. You know your family. You are happy beyond words. There is no sadness. No sickness. You have a "glorified" body. Ok, what in the world is a glorified body??
Why should I believe this? I am taking Alpha at church. It's Christianity 101. They are going through different topics. Was there really a Jesus? Why did he die? The Holy Spirit. A lot of topics. Every topic is proven by what the Bible says. But so much of it doesn't make sense to me. For what purpose did Jesus come to Earth and allow himself to be beaten and murdered beyond sense? To take away the sins of the world? Really God. Was that necessary??
I guess the proof lies in the authenticity of the Bible. Historical research shows that before the crucifixion of Christ the disciples scattered. They didn't want to be associated with Jesus after he was arrested. Jesus warned them but they wouldn't hear him. After his death and resurrection all those disciples became spreaders of the Good News. They all faced horrible deaths but would not renounce their faith in Christ. So I guess that little piece of evidence is what it is all about. If Christ was not raised from the dead and gave us hope of eternal life, no one would have been a martyr. They would have said, "Hold it, it was all a ruse." They would have saved their own lives. I don't believe anyone would allow themselves to be murdered all for a cause that was a hoax.
So I try to erase all the hell fire and brimstone messages I got as a child. I'm investigating this whole thing. Is it real? Does it make sense? If it doesn't make sense then why should I believe it? Faith? Only Faith if you believe it is real and you are going to step out by Faith and believe it.
So if my timeline is cut short due to this cancer that doesn't seem to want to go. Or if by some miracle I am able to get rid of it. When I go, it sure would be nice to have eternal life.
But guess what? I'm hoping heaven is more like the Black Hills or the beach.......
My grandma entered the world in 1915. She exited the world in 2010. She saw 95 years. Most people would say her "timeline" was a long one.
I entered the world in 1959. I used to think it was cool because I was born in the 50s. Now I think it qualifies me as old. But in comparison to my gram, I'm not old at all. If I lived as long as she did, I would have 42 more years!! A lot can happen in 42 years. My grandchildren would all be in their 40s. I would definitely have great grandchildren.
So why is it that some people have shorter "timelines?" I guess the obvious answer is accidents, disease, disability, poor nutrition. Lots of reasons. We are like cars. You take care of the car and it lasts a long time. Regular oil changes, tune ups, etc. If you drive your car and never do any maintenance it will die on you faster. Some cars are lemons. You take care of it and it still falls apart. What ya gonna do?
So I was thinking about it. All of us enter the world somewhere on the continuum and exit another time. None of us has the same experience or time here on earth.
When you get a disease and they tell you you have X number of years to live you go through a process. Denial, anger, bargaining. The whole gamut. Eventually you come to acceptance. But the thing that is hard to accept is what you will miss. My dad passed when my granddaughter, Haven was one. He loved her dearly. He doesn't get to see her now as a precious 4 year old. That's the hard part. The being snuffed out of your family's life and not being able to be a part of their story. Just a memory.
So why don't we regret the things that happened BEFORE we were born. Why am I not bothered by not seeing what my mother saw as a child. Why am I not bothered that I didn't live through the depression? Or witness some historical thing. Why aren't my kids worried about not being alive when a man walked on the moon? It's funny. We only worry about the things we are going to miss, not the things we already missed.
Sometimes your grandparent dies and you are sad because you only had them a short time. But in reality they had 80 or 90 years. They were here enjoying life way before you were born. It's strange isn't it? Am I being too philosophical?
Then there is faith. When you die, do they bury you and end of story?? Is it the Great Sleep some refer to? Does it not bother you because you are gone? Does it only bother others because they miss you? So in the faith I was raised in (Christianity) there is hope in the Lord. You accept Jesus and when you die your soul goes to heaven. Your earthly body (your shell) is buried or burned. You cease to exist but your essence lives on.
We have visions of wearing white robes, having wings and a halo. We walk around in bare feet on streets of gold. You know your family. You are happy beyond words. There is no sadness. No sickness. You have a "glorified" body. Ok, what in the world is a glorified body??
Why should I believe this? I am taking Alpha at church. It's Christianity 101. They are going through different topics. Was there really a Jesus? Why did he die? The Holy Spirit. A lot of topics. Every topic is proven by what the Bible says. But so much of it doesn't make sense to me. For what purpose did Jesus come to Earth and allow himself to be beaten and murdered beyond sense? To take away the sins of the world? Really God. Was that necessary??
I guess the proof lies in the authenticity of the Bible. Historical research shows that before the crucifixion of Christ the disciples scattered. They didn't want to be associated with Jesus after he was arrested. Jesus warned them but they wouldn't hear him. After his death and resurrection all those disciples became spreaders of the Good News. They all faced horrible deaths but would not renounce their faith in Christ. So I guess that little piece of evidence is what it is all about. If Christ was not raised from the dead and gave us hope of eternal life, no one would have been a martyr. They would have said, "Hold it, it was all a ruse." They would have saved their own lives. I don't believe anyone would allow themselves to be murdered all for a cause that was a hoax.
So I try to erase all the hell fire and brimstone messages I got as a child. I'm investigating this whole thing. Is it real? Does it make sense? If it doesn't make sense then why should I believe it? Faith? Only Faith if you believe it is real and you are going to step out by Faith and believe it.
So if my timeline is cut short due to this cancer that doesn't seem to want to go. Or if by some miracle I am able to get rid of it. When I go, it sure would be nice to have eternal life.
But guess what? I'm hoping heaven is more like the Black Hills or the beach.......
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Side Effects of Chemo
The last couple weeks my mom and I have been going to an Active Adult Class at the local YMCA. Clive has a Healthy Living Center and originally I got a two month free pass due to the fact that I was in treatment for cancer. I met with a personal trainer and it was all good.
But every time I do those aerobic activities, I have to go sit down. I'm sucking air and yesterday I got dizzy.
I was in a Clinical Trial at Mayo where they used a well known chemo agent called Adriamyacin (the red devil - it's red.....) and a new trial drug. I did quite well on the regimen for a long time and then my tumors started to grow so they took me off the trial. One of the side effects of Adria is damage to the heart.
I never knew I had heart damage until I went to Cancer Treatment Center of America. They did an echocardiogram and discovered it. Five percent of people on the drug have it affect their heart and I was one of the unlucky few. So now I get winded far more easily.
So I've been enjoying this exercise class but every time I have to sit down. I'd say I am the youngest person in the class so it is a bit embarrassing to be sitting. I called the cardiologist today and she suggested I was jumping in too far too fast. So now I have to opt out of the classes and just walk around the track. My mom and I agreed that I would join the class in the wind down period. The aerobics are over and they are doing some stretching and toning.
Maybe I could work my way up to a more fun routine but for now I guess I will prevent myself from falling over dead of a heart attack.
But every time I do those aerobic activities, I have to go sit down. I'm sucking air and yesterday I got dizzy.
I was in a Clinical Trial at Mayo where they used a well known chemo agent called Adriamyacin (the red devil - it's red.....) and a new trial drug. I did quite well on the regimen for a long time and then my tumors started to grow so they took me off the trial. One of the side effects of Adria is damage to the heart.
I never knew I had heart damage until I went to Cancer Treatment Center of America. They did an echocardiogram and discovered it. Five percent of people on the drug have it affect their heart and I was one of the unlucky few. So now I get winded far more easily.
So I've been enjoying this exercise class but every time I have to sit down. I'd say I am the youngest person in the class so it is a bit embarrassing to be sitting. I called the cardiologist today and she suggested I was jumping in too far too fast. So now I have to opt out of the classes and just walk around the track. My mom and I agreed that I would join the class in the wind down period. The aerobics are over and they are doing some stretching and toning.
Maybe I could work my way up to a more fun routine but for now I guess I will prevent myself from falling over dead of a heart attack.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Trying the restaurants around town.....
Yesterday Sheree and I met for lunch at the New World Cafe in the East Village. If you are from Des Moines, Iowa it is located on Walnut right next door to A Taste of Thai.
This is the first time Sheree and I have seen each other since my 24 week coaching contract ended. Sheree has pointed me in the right direction on many fronts. Not only from a nutrition perspective but she has put her Master Degree in Psychology to good work since we met. She sees things in me that I don't see in myself. She calls me out in a good way and I need that. I like to call others out but most people don't like it. But for me, if I grow and learn, then BRING IT ON BABY!!
The New World Cafe offers Vegan fare, juices, smoothies, coffee, salads, etc. We shared a Hummus plate and some mixed up veggies with tahini/miso dressing, we both had a Detox juice and a soup. All in all it was a great little place.
So I have found several places where you can get clean, good food.
New World Cafe in the East Village
Fresh Market between University and Westown Pkway on 25th in WDM (I think)
Gateway Cafe on MLK and Woodland
Juice Company on 42nd near Roosevelt
Campbells Nutrition Center on 42nd and University.
I wish the west suburbs had some cool places like that. I would go all the time. Now if I go to a regular restaurant I have to make changes, order a salad, it's just harder. I went to Applebee's and almost couldn't find one thing that would qualify as vegetarian. No offense to Applebee's because they've got great food just not a lot to choose from for someone like me.
On another note. I have been going to the gym. This is a big deal for me. I have never been one to exercise and now one of the chemos I was on hurt my heart. I get winded so much easier so if I am tired, I sit down for a bit. I even went to Target and bought myself some workout clothes. This looks much better than some old capris and an old T Shirt.
My mom and I have been attending an active older adult class. It's much like Jazzercise only not as strenuous. We like it. It's kind of like dancing!!
So slowly I turn this big (me) ship around!!
This is the first time Sheree and I have seen each other since my 24 week coaching contract ended. Sheree has pointed me in the right direction on many fronts. Not only from a nutrition perspective but she has put her Master Degree in Psychology to good work since we met. She sees things in me that I don't see in myself. She calls me out in a good way and I need that. I like to call others out but most people don't like it. But for me, if I grow and learn, then BRING IT ON BABY!!
The New World Cafe offers Vegan fare, juices, smoothies, coffee, salads, etc. We shared a Hummus plate and some mixed up veggies with tahini/miso dressing, we both had a Detox juice and a soup. All in all it was a great little place.
So I have found several places where you can get clean, good food.
New World Cafe in the East Village
Fresh Market between University and Westown Pkway on 25th in WDM (I think)
Gateway Cafe on MLK and Woodland
Juice Company on 42nd near Roosevelt
Campbells Nutrition Center on 42nd and University.
I wish the west suburbs had some cool places like that. I would go all the time. Now if I go to a regular restaurant I have to make changes, order a salad, it's just harder. I went to Applebee's and almost couldn't find one thing that would qualify as vegetarian. No offense to Applebee's because they've got great food just not a lot to choose from for someone like me.
On another note. I have been going to the gym. This is a big deal for me. I have never been one to exercise and now one of the chemos I was on hurt my heart. I get winded so much easier so if I am tired, I sit down for a bit. I even went to Target and bought myself some workout clothes. This looks much better than some old capris and an old T Shirt.
My mom and I have been attending an active older adult class. It's much like Jazzercise only not as strenuous. We like it. It's kind of like dancing!!
So slowly I turn this big (me) ship around!!
Monday, January 21, 2013
How to eat healthy when you are not at home
My friend and raw, vegan chef, Sheree Clark, has given me a lot of great ideas on how to eat healthy in an unhealthy world. When you are trying to eat delicious, pure foods, it becomes quite obvious how much junk we are presented with. Someone told me, "I'd eat healthy if I could afford it." It is true, healthy food sometimes comes with a price tag.
Case in point. My friend and I went to eat at Gateway Cafe in downtown Des Moines. Delicious!! Then we crossed over to the grocery store which features beautiful, organic produce. I picked up a small flat of raspberries and they were $6.58. Oh, my my. I could get regular raspberries for $3.99 and I thought that was high because they are out of season.
So we went to Alpha last night. They always have a free meal before class. Last week, bagged lettuce and a pasta dish. Last night, bagged lettuce and tacos. None of it was very good but I understand. They were feeding hundreds. I noticed two couples at our table didn't eat. Maybe they ate before they came. I guess that would be a strategy for me. Eat some healthy thing before I get there. But eating has always been a social thing - especially at church. Potlucks here. Picnics there. I've always wondered how a very obese Christian can look down their noses at someone who has a glass of wine with dinner? But that's another discussion.
I find myself morphing. I was googling vegan mascara the other day. I won't buy most vitamins unless I go to the health food store. I consider grocery store vitamins a waste of money. I think they are pills which pass through your digestive tract and end up in the toilet mostly unabsorbed.
One thing I haven't been able to give up is coffee. Maybe I'll change it up. Maybe I will promise myself that if I drink coffee, it has to be a very good coffee. It has to be a treat. Because if I end up drinking a cup of Folgers, why even drink it? Yuck!! We used to laugh at my dad. We owned a coffee shop with gourmet beans. He would still go to the HyVee and bring back Folgers. And then he would loudly proclaim the virtues of Folgers!! I think the fact that so many people razzed him about it made it worse. My dad was LOUD. For those of him who knew him, can't you just hear him saying, "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, FOLGERS IS GREAT COFFEE!"
Another thing I would like to do is cook things that even my husband could love. Jeff is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. If I cook for him I usually have to cook twice or I go off my wagon.
So some tricks. Juice every day even if what you eat is the not the best. Your body will thank you. Look at the menu and ask for a variety of vegetables and then order guacamole if they have it. Most salads are not as healthy as they seem. Bacon. Dressings. Fried Chicken. Don't be afraid to ask them to leave off and put something else on.
Here's to our health!! This year I'm growing a garden!!
Case in point. My friend and I went to eat at Gateway Cafe in downtown Des Moines. Delicious!! Then we crossed over to the grocery store which features beautiful, organic produce. I picked up a small flat of raspberries and they were $6.58. Oh, my my. I could get regular raspberries for $3.99 and I thought that was high because they are out of season.
So we went to Alpha last night. They always have a free meal before class. Last week, bagged lettuce and a pasta dish. Last night, bagged lettuce and tacos. None of it was very good but I understand. They were feeding hundreds. I noticed two couples at our table didn't eat. Maybe they ate before they came. I guess that would be a strategy for me. Eat some healthy thing before I get there. But eating has always been a social thing - especially at church. Potlucks here. Picnics there. I've always wondered how a very obese Christian can look down their noses at someone who has a glass of wine with dinner? But that's another discussion.
I find myself morphing. I was googling vegan mascara the other day. I won't buy most vitamins unless I go to the health food store. I consider grocery store vitamins a waste of money. I think they are pills which pass through your digestive tract and end up in the toilet mostly unabsorbed.
One thing I haven't been able to give up is coffee. Maybe I'll change it up. Maybe I will promise myself that if I drink coffee, it has to be a very good coffee. It has to be a treat. Because if I end up drinking a cup of Folgers, why even drink it? Yuck!! We used to laugh at my dad. We owned a coffee shop with gourmet beans. He would still go to the HyVee and bring back Folgers. And then he would loudly proclaim the virtues of Folgers!! I think the fact that so many people razzed him about it made it worse. My dad was LOUD. For those of him who knew him, can't you just hear him saying, "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, FOLGERS IS GREAT COFFEE!"
Another thing I would like to do is cook things that even my husband could love. Jeff is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. If I cook for him I usually have to cook twice or I go off my wagon.
So some tricks. Juice every day even if what you eat is the not the best. Your body will thank you. Look at the menu and ask for a variety of vegetables and then order guacamole if they have it. Most salads are not as healthy as they seem. Bacon. Dressings. Fried Chicken. Don't be afraid to ask them to leave off and put something else on.
Here's to our health!! This year I'm growing a garden!!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Giving stuff away
I have been getting a kick out of getting rid of stuff. We decided to not use the drapes in our family room. Jeff was getting ready to throw them away. I looked and they were Pottery Barn (the former owner had installed them.) Some people (my Jeff) don't know what Pottery Barn means!!! A friend is getting them. I also have two purses I am selling. I sold some shoes. I'm selling them for little or nothing.
You have a garage sale and people come up and insult you. I remember I had a London Fog trench coat and I had $2 on it. This person came up and said, "I'll give you a dime for it." A DIME? Go away!!! A dime had value when I was 10 years old!!! So I sell a little at a time or give away. Garage sales are too much work.
My house is upside down again. Our bathtub leaked so we had some ceiling damage. Insurance paid to fix it so we are painting the ceiling and the walls in the family room and kitchen and living room. I think this is the end of the upheaval in our home. I have so much "stuff." I don't want stuff anymore. I don't want upheaval.
A friend my age posted on FB that she was getting healthy and cleaning and organizing your house. Is it our age? My mom said to me something like, "You live your life acquiring. Always striving for more. Then you get to the point where you are trying to purge and get rid of it all." I am there. I want simple. I want to know where everything is. This is a major undertaking because I am kind of a pack rat. I cannot throw stuff away. If it has use to someone else I have to give it away, sell it or donate it.
You have a garage sale and people come up and insult you. I remember I had a London Fog trench coat and I had $2 on it. This person came up and said, "I'll give you a dime for it." A DIME? Go away!!! A dime had value when I was 10 years old!!! So I sell a little at a time or give away. Garage sales are too much work.
My house is upside down again. Our bathtub leaked so we had some ceiling damage. Insurance paid to fix it so we are painting the ceiling and the walls in the family room and kitchen and living room. I think this is the end of the upheaval in our home. I have so much "stuff." I don't want stuff anymore. I don't want upheaval.
A friend my age posted on FB that she was getting healthy and cleaning and organizing your house. Is it our age? My mom said to me something like, "You live your life acquiring. Always striving for more. Then you get to the point where you are trying to purge and get rid of it all." I am there. I want simple. I want to know where everything is. This is a major undertaking because I am kind of a pack rat. I cannot throw stuff away. If it has use to someone else I have to give it away, sell it or donate it.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Having Cancer and being selfish and outspoken
My mother is one of four siblings. She is the oldest, then there was Glennys, then a few years passed and there were two more. My grandparents called them The Girls and The Kids.
Glennys was outspoken and funny. She was the life of the party. She was also extremely artistic. She could paint and play instruments and sing. We got together with them all the time when I was growing up. In fact, Glennys' daughter, Brynn was the one who went to Europe with me in September, 2012. Glennys was diagnosed with cancer probably in 1970. She died on Thanksgiving Day 1975. I had just turned 16. Now looking back and knowing she had cancer, I wonder if that is why she was so outspoken? Something about getting a disease changes you. I don't suppose everyone changes in the same way but I can see myself in her sometimes.
My children are embarrassed by some of my behavior. For instance, the other day I was looking for a dishwasher. I walked through the appliance department to the clearance center. I walked past two men, one wearing a name tag. I came back and was looking, I turned and looked straight at them. (I was a little perturbed that they had not acknowledged me and I was the only customer in the department.) One guy finally looked up and said, "Hello, how are you today?" I said, "Good!! You spoke to me!! I have some questions." We talked about brands and then I said, "I apologize for being rude but I've been in sales for years and I hate it when I am ignored." (I also hate to be hounded but a simple "hi" let's me know they know I am there.......it gives me identity and I will buy from the person who gives me identity without overkill.)
I am very outspoken. I was talking to a friend day before yesterday and we were reminiscing about a mutual friend who had been cheated on by her husband, divorced, remarried, lost custody of her kids because of the new husband, was diagnosed with cancer and died. NOT FAIR!! She said every time she complains about getting older and having to have injections in her knees she thinks of our friend or me. She said, "So many people complain about their lives and when you compare it with others, they have it good." We could just ring people's necks who feel sorry for themselves all the time. So I call people out. I stop a salesperson in their tracks if I am not interested. I've lost my filter. When I was young I was a people pleaser and would NEVER, EVER make waves. Now? Don't give me crappy customer service. I WILL call the manager. Know your product. I don't want to know more about what I am trying to buy then you do. (However, do not knock me over the head with information I do not want........ask me a few questions to make sure you know what is important to me.)
This past week I have had more than my fair share of poor customer service experiences. An exception was Coldwater Creek so I'll give them a shout out!!
Speaking of Coldwater. I bought myself some clothes today. I tend to spoil myself more than I ever have before.
I used to pour all of my time, energy and money into my kids. Now I put a lot of emphasis on taking care of me. At first I felt extremely selfish. Self Centered. But I have had many people who have emphasized to me that it is VERY important to take care of ME. I've got cancer. I need to nurture myself. Treat myself with respect. Reward myself. You've heard the old adage, "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you may die." And it is true. I asked my oncologist at Mayo how much time someone like me with LMS had. He said to me, "Will you be alive tomorrow?" I said, "I don't know." He said, "That's the answer. No one knows if they are going to be alive tomorrow." Then he proceeded to tell me that half the people with my kind of cancer would be dead in 1 1/2 years. Boy, oh boy, how is that for a slap in the face? But then he said, "the other half won't and that could very well be you!" And it has been.
So now I travel as much as I can. I go see friends. I bask in the sun. I went to Europe. I am squeezing my whole life into a short amount of time so I don't miss out on things. If I live a long life then I will be able to say I lived a GREAT life!!! If I don't live a long life I can say I've had a GREAT life!
Now back to Glennys. She shines through her children. Brynn is beautiful, she sings, she's got style and one of the most fantastic Pinterest pages you have ever seen. Jeff is an architect and is an artist like his mom, quiet but loving, too. Jon is sensitive and a wonderful husband and father. Would they have been different had their mother lived. I can say without a doubt yes. The fact she died at 35 and left a 14, a 10 and a 9 year old behind is NOT fair!!!! I've decided life is not fair.
We live and we try to do the best we can. I live and try to be an authentic, honest person. I don't want my life to look like something it is not. When I am gone I hope people will remember me in positive ways even if I tend to be a little outrageous in life!
Glennys was outspoken and funny. She was the life of the party. She was also extremely artistic. She could paint and play instruments and sing. We got together with them all the time when I was growing up. In fact, Glennys' daughter, Brynn was the one who went to Europe with me in September, 2012. Glennys was diagnosed with cancer probably in 1970. She died on Thanksgiving Day 1975. I had just turned 16. Now looking back and knowing she had cancer, I wonder if that is why she was so outspoken? Something about getting a disease changes you. I don't suppose everyone changes in the same way but I can see myself in her sometimes.
My children are embarrassed by some of my behavior. For instance, the other day I was looking for a dishwasher. I walked through the appliance department to the clearance center. I walked past two men, one wearing a name tag. I came back and was looking, I turned and looked straight at them. (I was a little perturbed that they had not acknowledged me and I was the only customer in the department.) One guy finally looked up and said, "Hello, how are you today?" I said, "Good!! You spoke to me!! I have some questions." We talked about brands and then I said, "I apologize for being rude but I've been in sales for years and I hate it when I am ignored." (I also hate to be hounded but a simple "hi" let's me know they know I am there.......it gives me identity and I will buy from the person who gives me identity without overkill.)
I am very outspoken. I was talking to a friend day before yesterday and we were reminiscing about a mutual friend who had been cheated on by her husband, divorced, remarried, lost custody of her kids because of the new husband, was diagnosed with cancer and died. NOT FAIR!! She said every time she complains about getting older and having to have injections in her knees she thinks of our friend or me. She said, "So many people complain about their lives and when you compare it with others, they have it good." We could just ring people's necks who feel sorry for themselves all the time. So I call people out. I stop a salesperson in their tracks if I am not interested. I've lost my filter. When I was young I was a people pleaser and would NEVER, EVER make waves. Now? Don't give me crappy customer service. I WILL call the manager. Know your product. I don't want to know more about what I am trying to buy then you do. (However, do not knock me over the head with information I do not want........ask me a few questions to make sure you know what is important to me.)
This past week I have had more than my fair share of poor customer service experiences. An exception was Coldwater Creek so I'll give them a shout out!!
Speaking of Coldwater. I bought myself some clothes today. I tend to spoil myself more than I ever have before.
I used to pour all of my time, energy and money into my kids. Now I put a lot of emphasis on taking care of me. At first I felt extremely selfish. Self Centered. But I have had many people who have emphasized to me that it is VERY important to take care of ME. I've got cancer. I need to nurture myself. Treat myself with respect. Reward myself. You've heard the old adage, "Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you may die." And it is true. I asked my oncologist at Mayo how much time someone like me with LMS had. He said to me, "Will you be alive tomorrow?" I said, "I don't know." He said, "That's the answer. No one knows if they are going to be alive tomorrow." Then he proceeded to tell me that half the people with my kind of cancer would be dead in 1 1/2 years. Boy, oh boy, how is that for a slap in the face? But then he said, "the other half won't and that could very well be you!" And it has been.
So now I travel as much as I can. I go see friends. I bask in the sun. I went to Europe. I am squeezing my whole life into a short amount of time so I don't miss out on things. If I live a long life then I will be able to say I lived a GREAT life!!! If I don't live a long life I can say I've had a GREAT life!
Now back to Glennys. She shines through her children. Brynn is beautiful, she sings, she's got style and one of the most fantastic Pinterest pages you have ever seen. Jeff is an architect and is an artist like his mom, quiet but loving, too. Jon is sensitive and a wonderful husband and father. Would they have been different had their mother lived. I can say without a doubt yes. The fact she died at 35 and left a 14, a 10 and a 9 year old behind is NOT fair!!!! I've decided life is not fair.
We live and we try to do the best we can. I live and try to be an authentic, honest person. I don't want my life to look like something it is not. When I am gone I hope people will remember me in positive ways even if I tend to be a little outrageous in life!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Essential oils, nutrition, water, ATTITUDE!
Leiomyosarcoma is hard to beat. Here are some things I do to combat this awful cancer.
I said in an earlier post that when I was on chemo my doctors told me I couldn't do any supplementation because it might counteract the chemotherapy. I did as I was told especially when I participated in a clinical trial at Mayo. I had to do what they said because they were collecting data on us so we all had to be doing the same things.
When I was told I had to do chemo the third time I rebelliously decided to take my life in my own hands and do everything I could to combat it.
I am taking Temador. The first round of Temador had my hemoglobin levels dangerously low. They decided I needed a blood transfusion. I lay in a recliner and watched someone else's blood drip into my veins. After that I decided to supplement. I started taking high doses of Vitamin C and some other supplements. My blood has been good ever since. From 7.6 to 11.8 consistently.
I also use essential oils. I rub oil of oregano, orange, frankincense, sandalwood, thieves - I mix it up - right where my tumors are. I've done research on these and they are said to be anti-cancer. I will also rub on the bottom of my feet and I use a mist aromatherapy machine to get the oils into the air.
I try to eat a plant based diet. The juicing enforces that. The more alkaline my body, the more the cancer cells have a hard time.
I only drink filtered water and it is my drink of choice. I went to church last night and they had water. I drank it and almost spit it out. It was obviously tap water which is not filtered enough. It tasted horrible. If you live in West Des Moines, Iowa the water is notoriously bad!
But the number one thing I do to combat my cancer is to have a fighting, positive attitude. I believe many people die from cancer because when they hear the diagnosis, they give up. Somewhere in their brain they say, "This is it! It got me." Me? I don't think that way. I have been lucky to have found two people who have lived a long life with LMS. One man over 30 years and my new friend, Ilene for over 16. I figure if others can beat it, so can I. I live WITH cancer. Someday I hope to be free of it. My oncologist says hang in there. There were cancers in the past that would kill you and now no one dies from them anymore because they found a treatment that works!!!
I said in an earlier post that when I was on chemo my doctors told me I couldn't do any supplementation because it might counteract the chemotherapy. I did as I was told especially when I participated in a clinical trial at Mayo. I had to do what they said because they were collecting data on us so we all had to be doing the same things.
When I was told I had to do chemo the third time I rebelliously decided to take my life in my own hands and do everything I could to combat it.
I am taking Temador. The first round of Temador had my hemoglobin levels dangerously low. They decided I needed a blood transfusion. I lay in a recliner and watched someone else's blood drip into my veins. After that I decided to supplement. I started taking high doses of Vitamin C and some other supplements. My blood has been good ever since. From 7.6 to 11.8 consistently.
I also use essential oils. I rub oil of oregano, orange, frankincense, sandalwood, thieves - I mix it up - right where my tumors are. I've done research on these and they are said to be anti-cancer. I will also rub on the bottom of my feet and I use a mist aromatherapy machine to get the oils into the air.
I try to eat a plant based diet. The juicing enforces that. The more alkaline my body, the more the cancer cells have a hard time.
I only drink filtered water and it is my drink of choice. I went to church last night and they had water. I drank it and almost spit it out. It was obviously tap water which is not filtered enough. It tasted horrible. If you live in West Des Moines, Iowa the water is notoriously bad!
But the number one thing I do to combat my cancer is to have a fighting, positive attitude. I believe many people die from cancer because when they hear the diagnosis, they give up. Somewhere in their brain they say, "This is it! It got me." Me? I don't think that way. I have been lucky to have found two people who have lived a long life with LMS. One man over 30 years and my new friend, Ilene for over 16. I figure if others can beat it, so can I. I live WITH cancer. Someday I hope to be free of it. My oncologist says hang in there. There were cancers in the past that would kill you and now no one dies from them anymore because they found a treatment that works!!!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Garage Sale?
As I am clearing out stuff I think, Maybe I need to have a garage sale...What a major pain in the bum. So I have been giving stuff away or ask for a little bit. I sold five pairs of really nice shoes to a friend for $100. Dansko and more Dansko and some other cute, good for you shoes. I gave away some Visalus stuff, now I basically giving away my Americana decor. I also found a TV. This is what you call PURGE!!! It feels good.
We finished putting Chloe's furniture in her room. I have two TVs in there. A big one on bottom and a small one on top of the other one. She plays Play Station on the top one and Wii on the bottom. This kid has it made. What a space. Plus the big TV is hooked up to cable. The big TV also has a built in DVD player and the small one has a built in VCR. So the kid has EVERYTHING she needs.
I'm organizing her drawers. She should be in hog heaven. When I'm done with her room, it's on to the guest room and the office. Oh, I'm so excited.
Today we went to church. We went early and had breakfast. Carter didn't like the nursery so Chelsea was buzzed almost right away so she went and got him. Poor kid looked like he had had a fit!! Wish Parker could go with him but Court and Luke go to Point of Grace. We are always amazed at how crowded it is at Hope. The auditorium seats like 2500 and yet they always have an overflow crowd. Tonight we start Alpha which is going to be great. Two meals in one day thanks to Lutheran Church of Hope. A free will offering. Pretty cheap day for eating.
So happy, happy. Purging, get some spiritual nourishment. It's all good!
We finished putting Chloe's furniture in her room. I have two TVs in there. A big one on bottom and a small one on top of the other one. She plays Play Station on the top one and Wii on the bottom. This kid has it made. What a space. Plus the big TV is hooked up to cable. The big TV also has a built in DVD player and the small one has a built in VCR. So the kid has EVERYTHING she needs.
I'm organizing her drawers. She should be in hog heaven. When I'm done with her room, it's on to the guest room and the office. Oh, I'm so excited.
Today we went to church. We went early and had breakfast. Carter didn't like the nursery so Chelsea was buzzed almost right away so she went and got him. Poor kid looked like he had had a fit!! Wish Parker could go with him but Court and Luke go to Point of Grace. We are always amazed at how crowded it is at Hope. The auditorium seats like 2500 and yet they always have an overflow crowd. Tonight we start Alpha which is going to be great. Two meals in one day thanks to Lutheran Church of Hope. A free will offering. Pretty cheap day for eating.
So happy, happy. Purging, get some spiritual nourishment. It's all good!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Motivation!!!!!
Today even while having Carter (my 18 month old grandson) over , I was able to get quite a bit done.
While he napped I did a bunch of laundry, took down the Christmas tree, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.
I received my wheatgrass growing kit so I rinsed and soaked my first batch of seeds. They'll soak overnight and then I'll get them to sprout before I plant them. I am excited about that!!
I also juiced! Today I had carrot, beet, celery, wheatgrass, cilantro, blueberry and apple. It was good and healthy. I had someone ask me if I cleaned my juicer every time I used it since I leave it out all the time. The answer is yes. I juiced once after not cleaning it and I could just imagine the bacteria coming out with the juice. I learned when I went to my Fork In The Road sessions with Sheree, that most of the raw vegan items we make don't have a long shelf life. There are no preservatives so you really have to prepare and eat, prepare and eat. There really is no such thing as prepare and eat it all week.
It's becoming my routine to juice and clean. I learned that in the restaurant business. We ALWAYS cleaned as we went. Then when you are done, you are done. It's a great feeling!
Then I played with Carter for awhile. Chels came and got him and then it was time to start tackling the move from Chloe's room to Chelsea's old room. Chloe with her autism doesn't like change and she wanted me to keep Chelsea's room empty except for a PS1 and a huge pillow. She said, "this is a game room!" Well, I vetoed her and Jeff and I moved her bed and dresser and bedside table in. Tomorrow we move the chest and the TV and the major things will be over. Jeff and I are both old and out of shape and even though we only had to move it NEXT door, we were pooped. We have a huge solid wood desk in the basement which is going into the 4th bedroom. We are hiring it done. If any of you reading this want to make some quick $ let me know. We will need a couple STRONG men!! (or if you are a strong woman..........) Up two flights of stairs!
I also bought some towels at World Market (I copied my daughter, Courtney.....) I got a shower curtain to match and a new floor mat. It is beautiful! I'm going to take all the Americana out of the 1/2 bath and make that space simply decorated. Spring cleaning and sprucing up a little early. It feels good.
I guess you could say I am motivated. The key is to STAY motivated. I've got lots of boxes to go through this week. I also promised Jeff I would go out and help get the garage organized. I'd love for his work area to be functional. It's always frustrating when you have great ideas for a space but never get it done. Another idea I have is to have the office area completely organized so if I need a hospital bill, I know where it is. What a great feeling. Files, etc. I'd also like to get Jeff a new computer. He has an old Dell which is SLOW..............
I allow myself time to get things done. As a young person I tried to do a whole room or even house in a day. I cannot do that anymore but I don't fret it. I just keep plodding away and take breaks WHENEVER I need one. It has been freeing to get stuff done a little at a time.
My day in a nutshell. Now for tomorrow. We are going to get up early and eat breakfast at Hope before the 11 am service. Then tomorrow night Alpha starts. I've been wanting to take Alpha for so long! I'm hoping to get to know some people...
While he napped I did a bunch of laundry, took down the Christmas tree, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher.
I received my wheatgrass growing kit so I rinsed and soaked my first batch of seeds. They'll soak overnight and then I'll get them to sprout before I plant them. I am excited about that!!
I also juiced! Today I had carrot, beet, celery, wheatgrass, cilantro, blueberry and apple. It was good and healthy. I had someone ask me if I cleaned my juicer every time I used it since I leave it out all the time. The answer is yes. I juiced once after not cleaning it and I could just imagine the bacteria coming out with the juice. I learned when I went to my Fork In The Road sessions with Sheree, that most of the raw vegan items we make don't have a long shelf life. There are no preservatives so you really have to prepare and eat, prepare and eat. There really is no such thing as prepare and eat it all week.
It's becoming my routine to juice and clean. I learned that in the restaurant business. We ALWAYS cleaned as we went. Then when you are done, you are done. It's a great feeling!
Then I played with Carter for awhile. Chels came and got him and then it was time to start tackling the move from Chloe's room to Chelsea's old room. Chloe with her autism doesn't like change and she wanted me to keep Chelsea's room empty except for a PS1 and a huge pillow. She said, "this is a game room!" Well, I vetoed her and Jeff and I moved her bed and dresser and bedside table in. Tomorrow we move the chest and the TV and the major things will be over. Jeff and I are both old and out of shape and even though we only had to move it NEXT door, we were pooped. We have a huge solid wood desk in the basement which is going into the 4th bedroom. We are hiring it done. If any of you reading this want to make some quick $ let me know. We will need a couple STRONG men!! (or if you are a strong woman..........) Up two flights of stairs!
I also bought some towels at World Market (I copied my daughter, Courtney.....) I got a shower curtain to match and a new floor mat. It is beautiful! I'm going to take all the Americana out of the 1/2 bath and make that space simply decorated. Spring cleaning and sprucing up a little early. It feels good.
I guess you could say I am motivated. The key is to STAY motivated. I've got lots of boxes to go through this week. I also promised Jeff I would go out and help get the garage organized. I'd love for his work area to be functional. It's always frustrating when you have great ideas for a space but never get it done. Another idea I have is to have the office area completely organized so if I need a hospital bill, I know where it is. What a great feeling. Files, etc. I'd also like to get Jeff a new computer. He has an old Dell which is SLOW..............
I allow myself time to get things done. As a young person I tried to do a whole room or even house in a day. I cannot do that anymore but I don't fret it. I just keep plodding away and take breaks WHENEVER I need one. It has been freeing to get stuff done a little at a time.
My day in a nutshell. Now for tomorrow. We are going to get up early and eat breakfast at Hope before the 11 am service. Then tomorrow night Alpha starts. I've been wanting to take Alpha for so long! I'm hoping to get to know some people...
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Organization and JUICING
First of all, I feel ashamed of myself for not juicing the last couple months of 2012. I have proved to myself t is EASY! I'm drinking a healthy mixture of wheatgrass, parsley, cilantro, cucumber, cauliflower, broccoli, and tomatoes. It really is yummy. It does something to your psyche. You cannot help but feel good about it!!
I watched something on Netflix last night which helped me with my resolve to eat a plant based diet. It was called Vegucated. A vegan lady interviewed several people for her documentary and chose three. We go through their six week journey into veganism.
I was appalled. When I saw some of the ways packing plants treat the animals I had to hide my eyes. There are no laws requiring anyone to treat fowl with any humane practices. Also if an animal is raised to consume then the basic ways we are required to treat animals go out the window. It makes me sick how the animals are tortured in order for us to eat them. I cannot even talk about some of the horrible things I saw. I want to throw up.
It makes it so much easier to steer away from all that. They even called a "home town" farm and asked them some basic questions. Some of the organic farms and such are not much better than the "mills" they call farms. They treat animals like they would an ear of corn, throwing them into machines and such. Anyway, I cannot talk about it.
Watching shows like that and being educated helps one to turn to a better alternative. It was interesting, too, that they got into how much carbon footprint a cow makes. Very green in it's message but true non the less.
So all that about eating vegan or vegetarian.
Now organization. Chelsea is moving out so I will be able to move back in. Since we got new carpet there are still boxes packed which I shoved in the closet and out of the way so they could install the new. Now with her stuff gone, I will pretend I just moved into this new house and get to clean and organize. Believe it or not, I am truly excited. (Now girls, go easy on me, I'm gonna need some time to move in........as Chelsea will need some time to move into her new apartment.)
I dream of walking downstairs and having everything in order!!!!! This gets me so revved!!
I watched something on Netflix last night which helped me with my resolve to eat a plant based diet. It was called Vegucated. A vegan lady interviewed several people for her documentary and chose three. We go through their six week journey into veganism.
I was appalled. When I saw some of the ways packing plants treat the animals I had to hide my eyes. There are no laws requiring anyone to treat fowl with any humane practices. Also if an animal is raised to consume then the basic ways we are required to treat animals go out the window. It makes me sick how the animals are tortured in order for us to eat them. I cannot even talk about some of the horrible things I saw. I want to throw up.
It makes it so much easier to steer away from all that. They even called a "home town" farm and asked them some basic questions. Some of the organic farms and such are not much better than the "mills" they call farms. They treat animals like they would an ear of corn, throwing them into machines and such. Anyway, I cannot talk about it.
Watching shows like that and being educated helps one to turn to a better alternative. It was interesting, too, that they got into how much carbon footprint a cow makes. Very green in it's message but true non the less.
So all that about eating vegan or vegetarian.
Now organization. Chelsea is moving out so I will be able to move back in. Since we got new carpet there are still boxes packed which I shoved in the closet and out of the way so they could install the new. Now with her stuff gone, I will pretend I just moved into this new house and get to clean and organize. Believe it or not, I am truly excited. (Now girls, go easy on me, I'm gonna need some time to move in........as Chelsea will need some time to move into her new apartment.)
I dream of walking downstairs and having everything in order!!!!! This gets me so revved!!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Tumor GREW!
Disclaimer: I consider myself a good speller and pretty good at grammar, etc. Sometimes my fingers get to typing too fast and other times the darn auto correct messes me up. I publish it and THEN see all the mistakes - sorry!!
Today was my quarterly CT scan. Actually I haven't had an official one since July. So I guess it really has been six months. Not that we were slacking off because right before I went to Europe in September I was really sick and they did a CT scan on me prior to going. When I got back my oncologist and I read the report and it looked good so we opted to wait. Plus we figured the insurance may balk at an unnecessary scan.
So I went in and drank the grape kool aid flavored contrast liquid and had the CT scan. It never goes as planned so when they say I have it at 12:45 I know it means 2:00 and it did today. I finally got out of the John Stoddard Cancer Center at 4:30 pm.
Dr. Hill handed me the report and told me to look at the bottom - the conclusions. There is one spot on my liver that has grown. It was 1 cm now it is 1.6 cm. First thing he suggested is that I see a radiology oncologist who performs RFA (radio frequency ablation) or freezes the tumor. I've had it done at Mayo and it is really quite easy. They put you to sleep and stick a needle in the tumor and then freeze it. They look to see if they got it all and if not, they freeze it again. After everything is said and done my liver looks like a bite was taken out of it. Good news is your liver regenerates.
The original tumor which was once 6 cm is now not noticeable. There are a couple other spots on my liver which measure in the mm.
So since I just started my juicing etc. I figure it can only get better!! Tomorrow I go in for IV Vitamin C and then I will continue with the chemo on Friday. That will be the start of the next 42 day round. Yes, it seems like I might be one who is on chemo for the rest of my life. I can handle the Temador because the side effects are not too bad. Especially the NO HAIR LOSS!! I love that!!!
And speaking of hair. My hair is starting to grow back the way it used to be. Wavy. So the top is flat and kinda wavy and the bottom is still spiral curls. I really don't like the long curls because they get knotted up so bad. I might grow it out just a tad longer so I can throw it in a ponytail. I haven't been able to do that since sixth grade - and you only live once - so I may look ridiculous but I'm gonna do it. Then I'll probably get a more sensible hair cut!!!
Today was my quarterly CT scan. Actually I haven't had an official one since July. So I guess it really has been six months. Not that we were slacking off because right before I went to Europe in September I was really sick and they did a CT scan on me prior to going. When I got back my oncologist and I read the report and it looked good so we opted to wait. Plus we figured the insurance may balk at an unnecessary scan.
So I went in and drank the grape kool aid flavored contrast liquid and had the CT scan. It never goes as planned so when they say I have it at 12:45 I know it means 2:00 and it did today. I finally got out of the John Stoddard Cancer Center at 4:30 pm.
Dr. Hill handed me the report and told me to look at the bottom - the conclusions. There is one spot on my liver that has grown. It was 1 cm now it is 1.6 cm. First thing he suggested is that I see a radiology oncologist who performs RFA (radio frequency ablation) or freezes the tumor. I've had it done at Mayo and it is really quite easy. They put you to sleep and stick a needle in the tumor and then freeze it. They look to see if they got it all and if not, they freeze it again. After everything is said and done my liver looks like a bite was taken out of it. Good news is your liver regenerates.
The original tumor which was once 6 cm is now not noticeable. There are a couple other spots on my liver which measure in the mm.
So since I just started my juicing etc. I figure it can only get better!! Tomorrow I go in for IV Vitamin C and then I will continue with the chemo on Friday. That will be the start of the next 42 day round. Yes, it seems like I might be one who is on chemo for the rest of my life. I can handle the Temador because the side effects are not too bad. Especially the NO HAIR LOSS!! I love that!!!
And speaking of hair. My hair is starting to grow back the way it used to be. Wavy. So the top is flat and kinda wavy and the bottom is still spiral curls. I really don't like the long curls because they get knotted up so bad. I might grow it out just a tad longer so I can throw it in a ponytail. I haven't been able to do that since sixth grade - and you only live once - so I may look ridiculous but I'm gonna do it. Then I'll probably get a more sensible hair cut!!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
What's taking you so long?
I was driving down the road and the phrase, "What's taking you so long?" came to mind. I start thinking about who I might say that to. There are so many instances in and around my life that I could say, "WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?"
There's a scene in Sex and the City where Carrie awkwardly has lunch with her boyfriend's ex-wife because he, Aleksandr Petrovsky, got held up at work. Juliette (Petrovsky's ex) said if she heard "as soon as" one more time.......she shakes her head....Meanwhile, Carrie is in France living in a gorgeous hotel. She should be happy, but Petrovsky is always busy with his work and often leaves Carrie alone for hours on end. Carrie is hurt but Alek keeps telling her, "as soon as my museum opening, then we will have time together......."
Finally (what took her so long)? Carrie says NO. Not "as soon as............" If it works here is the Youtube of the scene when Carrie finally has enough.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/q0bgy7T_Scs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
After watching the whole series, you finally see Carrie sticking up for herself. She has had enough. She is taking her life into her own hands.
I see it everyday.
I dated someone once who was unemployed when we started dating. He had gone through a rough patch but had an excellent resume and would be an asset to any firm. I encouraged him to go get a job. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. It got to the point where I was thinking and finally SAYING, "what's taking so long?" First he had to update his resume. That took months. Then when he finally got his resume up to date I encouraged him to send some out. In this day and age you simply attach it to an application online and they have it right now, in their inbox. Well, he wanted to hand deliver them. He thought it would give it a more personal touch. He could shake their hand, look them in the eye and make a fantastic impression. That was all well and good, in theory. However, reality didn't look anything like that and he didn't go distribute his resume personally. He simply did nothing. My question was, "What's taking so long?"
Two people went to school. Both for the same profession. One did better than the other. But the one who did better never got a job. The other one has had two jobs in the profession they schooled for. It's been almost two years. The one who works in that profession started with an over night shift. She paid her dues for a few months and then with her experience was able to get another job with good hours. There is always an excuse made by the person who did well in school. My question to them is, "What's taking you so long?"
Ok, easy for me to say, right? Carrie? What took you so long? Friends? What takes you so long? Why do you allow yourself to be stuck? Kelly? What is taking you so long?
Since my cancer diagnosis, I have been living my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't make any major decisions because I don't know what the future holds. Do I make this decision only to get sick and die? Have I wasted valuable time by stepping forth and DOING?
After all my chemo and surgeries, I thought I had beaten the cancer. I went to Drake and enrolled in a Masters Level Psychology course. I was so excited. It wasn't a month into the semester that my CT scan came back with not good news. Cancer is back and growing. I had to go back on chemo. I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, I contacted my professor and they graciously let me drop the class with a full refund. I don't regret that decision but it signifies my state of mind. I need to take the easy way. I cannot give my precious energy to anything but the fight against my cancer.
So you tell me? Am I living? Does my lack of planning for my future mean that I am waiting to die? I do a lot of things. I travel. I try to eat healthy. But I don't really live. I exist. I love spending time with my children and grandchildren but sometimes I'd rather veg. I'd like to have peace and quiet.
I've enrolled in Alpha. I think I am trying. Somedays I am not content with my life. As in a prior post I think I cover my eyes so I don't see what is right in front of me. Do I step out and do or do I settle for the status quo? No one would fault me for living my life as is. It's comfortable. I don't have to do anything really. But am I happy? Am I satisfied? What's taking me so long?
There's a scene in Sex and the City where Carrie awkwardly has lunch with her boyfriend's ex-wife because he, Aleksandr Petrovsky, got held up at work. Juliette (Petrovsky's ex) said if she heard "as soon as" one more time.......she shakes her head....Meanwhile, Carrie is in France living in a gorgeous hotel. She should be happy, but Petrovsky is always busy with his work and often leaves Carrie alone for hours on end. Carrie is hurt but Alek keeps telling her, "as soon as my museum opening, then we will have time together......."
Finally (what took her so long)? Carrie says NO. Not "as soon as............" If it works here is the Youtube of the scene when Carrie finally has enough.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/q0bgy7T_Scs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
After watching the whole series, you finally see Carrie sticking up for herself. She has had enough. She is taking her life into her own hands.
I see it everyday.
I dated someone once who was unemployed when we started dating. He had gone through a rough patch but had an excellent resume and would be an asset to any firm. I encouraged him to go get a job. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. It got to the point where I was thinking and finally SAYING, "what's taking so long?" First he had to update his resume. That took months. Then when he finally got his resume up to date I encouraged him to send some out. In this day and age you simply attach it to an application online and they have it right now, in their inbox. Well, he wanted to hand deliver them. He thought it would give it a more personal touch. He could shake their hand, look them in the eye and make a fantastic impression. That was all well and good, in theory. However, reality didn't look anything like that and he didn't go distribute his resume personally. He simply did nothing. My question was, "What's taking so long?"
Two people went to school. Both for the same profession. One did better than the other. But the one who did better never got a job. The other one has had two jobs in the profession they schooled for. It's been almost two years. The one who works in that profession started with an over night shift. She paid her dues for a few months and then with her experience was able to get another job with good hours. There is always an excuse made by the person who did well in school. My question to them is, "What's taking you so long?"
Ok, easy for me to say, right? Carrie? What took you so long? Friends? What takes you so long? Why do you allow yourself to be stuck? Kelly? What is taking you so long?
Since my cancer diagnosis, I have been living my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't make any major decisions because I don't know what the future holds. Do I make this decision only to get sick and die? Have I wasted valuable time by stepping forth and DOING?
After all my chemo and surgeries, I thought I had beaten the cancer. I went to Drake and enrolled in a Masters Level Psychology course. I was so excited. It wasn't a month into the semester that my CT scan came back with not good news. Cancer is back and growing. I had to go back on chemo. I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, I contacted my professor and they graciously let me drop the class with a full refund. I don't regret that decision but it signifies my state of mind. I need to take the easy way. I cannot give my precious energy to anything but the fight against my cancer.
So you tell me? Am I living? Does my lack of planning for my future mean that I am waiting to die? I do a lot of things. I travel. I try to eat healthy. But I don't really live. I exist. I love spending time with my children and grandchildren but sometimes I'd rather veg. I'd like to have peace and quiet.
I've enrolled in Alpha. I think I am trying. Somedays I am not content with my life. As in a prior post I think I cover my eyes so I don't see what is right in front of me. Do I step out and do or do I settle for the status quo? No one would fault me for living my life as is. It's comfortable. I don't have to do anything really. But am I happy? Am I satisfied? What's taking me so long?
Juicing and Exercise and Scanxiety!
This blog could get pretty boring. Today I juiced. Done. But that's the whole gist behind this blog. It is to chronicle my journey to getting healthy. It's to hold me accountable.
No one might read it except for me. I should imagine that thousands of people are reading it and that I am making a BIG difference in others. Truth be told. The only difference I am probably making is a way for me to unload what is on my mind and put "pen to paper." I use others' blogs as a template for my own. My friend told me that by reading her own blog and reflecting back, some things hit her in the face. We've all heard, "hind sight is 20/20." I suppose as I read and reread my blogs there should be some things that pop out to me.
One thing I was thinking about was Yoga. Doing it because I want to? No. Because it seems like the next step in "healthy Kelly." Then I almost laughed out loud. The last time I did Yoga was with Chelsea. She's lean and strong. As she is going through the poses (as are all the other buff participants) I've got my bum in the air and look ridiculous!! Literally. I am so far from being in shape, it is comical! I remember being very young and a cheerleader. We didn't sit on the sidelines during basketball games. We were right in front of the crowd, right behind the team. We were constantly jumping and doing pom pon routines. Have you seen the pom pons from the 70s? These suckers were 3 times the size of a basketball. No wonder we all had guns in the day. For me to declare to get fit by going to the Y each day is a lie!! I would never do it. The only thing I can TRY to do is move. That's my first step. Walk. Dance. I love picking up the house with my iPhone cranked. I've got some very upbeat music. I embarrass myself with my loud, off key singing and dancing. Not when I'm alone but when my children are around. Chloe hates it when I sing. It reminds me of working at Wellspring and people would come in and listen to accompaniment tracks. They'd have their head phones on and be singing loud - and off key. We got a lot of laughs during the day (poor people if they ONLY knew!)
First word of advice on juicing. KEEP YOUR JUICER OUT!! Today I cut out the apple. I juiced carrots, tomatoes, celery, parsley, cilantro, cuke, broccoli. I'd like to tell you it tastes like V8. It doesn't. It isn't as thick. I like it. I know it is better for me than V8. It gives me more nutrients than I'll ever get from a pasteurized, preservative ridden health drink!!
Now a more ominous topic!! The dreaded CT scan!! Get used to the word Scanxiety!! This is a term we LMS patients use about how anxious we get right before our scan. With LMS you could go in and everything could be stable. OR you could go in and the LMS is on the move. Either spreading or growing. I've already come to terms with being a Stage IV Cancer Patient. This diagnosis has me on the disabled list according to Social Security - meaning, your life sucks!!! You can't work. You've got a terminal disease! I try not to dwell on the whole Stage IV thing. Even saying it out loud makes me cringe. I'll always be a Stage IV cancer patient even if I go in and they declare me in remission (or in today's term - NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. NED FOR SHORT. My friend, Debbie Williams calls me Ned a lot. She's the most positive upbeat person in my life!! I love her!!)
So tomorrow I get the quarterly scan. Of course, tomorrow you will hear all about it. You might hear good news or bad or nothing news. Say a prayer as I go get scanned tomorrow!
No one might read it except for me. I should imagine that thousands of people are reading it and that I am making a BIG difference in others. Truth be told. The only difference I am probably making is a way for me to unload what is on my mind and put "pen to paper." I use others' blogs as a template for my own. My friend told me that by reading her own blog and reflecting back, some things hit her in the face. We've all heard, "hind sight is 20/20." I suppose as I read and reread my blogs there should be some things that pop out to me.
One thing I was thinking about was Yoga. Doing it because I want to? No. Because it seems like the next step in "healthy Kelly." Then I almost laughed out loud. The last time I did Yoga was with Chelsea. She's lean and strong. As she is going through the poses (as are all the other buff participants) I've got my bum in the air and look ridiculous!! Literally. I am so far from being in shape, it is comical! I remember being very young and a cheerleader. We didn't sit on the sidelines during basketball games. We were right in front of the crowd, right behind the team. We were constantly jumping and doing pom pon routines. Have you seen the pom pons from the 70s? These suckers were 3 times the size of a basketball. No wonder we all had guns in the day. For me to declare to get fit by going to the Y each day is a lie!! I would never do it. The only thing I can TRY to do is move. That's my first step. Walk. Dance. I love picking up the house with my iPhone cranked. I've got some very upbeat music. I embarrass myself with my loud, off key singing and dancing. Not when I'm alone but when my children are around. Chloe hates it when I sing. It reminds me of working at Wellspring and people would come in and listen to accompaniment tracks. They'd have their head phones on and be singing loud - and off key. We got a lot of laughs during the day (poor people if they ONLY knew!)
First word of advice on juicing. KEEP YOUR JUICER OUT!! Today I cut out the apple. I juiced carrots, tomatoes, celery, parsley, cilantro, cuke, broccoli. I'd like to tell you it tastes like V8. It doesn't. It isn't as thick. I like it. I know it is better for me than V8. It gives me more nutrients than I'll ever get from a pasteurized, preservative ridden health drink!!
Now a more ominous topic!! The dreaded CT scan!! Get used to the word Scanxiety!! This is a term we LMS patients use about how anxious we get right before our scan. With LMS you could go in and everything could be stable. OR you could go in and the LMS is on the move. Either spreading or growing. I've already come to terms with being a Stage IV Cancer Patient. This diagnosis has me on the disabled list according to Social Security - meaning, your life sucks!!! You can't work. You've got a terminal disease! I try not to dwell on the whole Stage IV thing. Even saying it out loud makes me cringe. I'll always be a Stage IV cancer patient even if I go in and they declare me in remission (or in today's term - NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE. NED FOR SHORT. My friend, Debbie Williams calls me Ned a lot. She's the most positive upbeat person in my life!! I love her!!)
So tomorrow I get the quarterly scan. Of course, tomorrow you will hear all about it. You might hear good news or bad or nothing news. Say a prayer as I go get scanned tomorrow!
Monday, January 7, 2013
A-Ha moment!!
Have you ever been minding your own business? Going through the motions? Have you ever thought, "this is as good as it gets?"
Do you habitually go through the same motions over and over again. It doesn't matter where you find yourself in your life, you make the same bad choices, you choose the same kind of people to be around. Do you ever want to bang your head against a brick wall because you realize at some time - finally - that your life has become a self fulfilling prophecy? It doesn't matter where you are or with whom, you will always go to the familiar. You will always reach for the vanilla (or chocolate or strawberry - meaning it just doesn't matter, you are a creature of habit.) You might not even know you are that way until someone points it out. It's obvious.
Today was my last official session with my friend and health coach, Sheree Clark. I am happy to say she told me I have grown over the last few months. I know I have grown. Oh, I've had a lot of set backs but I can look at them and think, "Hmmmm, maybe that's a sign that I need to stop doing that." Or, "I think a change would do me good in that arena."
Sheree asked me to stop peeking and actually look at things as they are. It reminds me of watching The Walking Dead. I like the story line and it's kind of exciting but I close my eyes a lot because I don't want to see people hacking up zombies. Its unnerving. So I peek through my fingers at life. I go through the motions and as long as I'm thrown a few crumbs here and there, then I don't have to lift my hands from in front of my face and identify what is good and what is bad in my life.
Now let's see. If you had goals to do this or that and you didn't do them for one reason or another that would be bad, right? But let's say you had things that made you you but you forego them because they don't fit in someone else's frame of reference. Is that fair to you? No. Is it fair to them? No.
I wrote on FB a couple days ago that sometimes the obvious is staring you in the face but you don't see it. I said hopefully someday you will. Then I said something that wasn't really me. It was when your ying finds the right yang it will all fall into place. I'm not a big ying/yang person but I do know that sometimes things click and sometimes they don't. Sometimes you have to come to the point where you realize - this ain't happening. This is like riding a bike with the brakes on all the time. I know what that feel like. One of our bikes actually had the brake rubbing up against the tire. The bike wouldn't even coast, In order to MOVE you had to peddle and peddle hard. While my biking companions were cruising down the bike path I was exhausted from peddling against the rub.
So today I came to a conclusion. That is that in order for me to be the best, most healthy me, changing have to take place. I'm on a journey and I will not be derailed. I have resolve. I will be healthy and that means adding in the things that are good for me, and releasing those that are not. I cannot live my life peaking through my fingers wondering when this chapter will be over. I need to open my eyes and decide what is the perfect place for me to be!
Do you habitually go through the same motions over and over again. It doesn't matter where you find yourself in your life, you make the same bad choices, you choose the same kind of people to be around. Do you ever want to bang your head against a brick wall because you realize at some time - finally - that your life has become a self fulfilling prophecy? It doesn't matter where you are or with whom, you will always go to the familiar. You will always reach for the vanilla (or chocolate or strawberry - meaning it just doesn't matter, you are a creature of habit.) You might not even know you are that way until someone points it out. It's obvious.
Today was my last official session with my friend and health coach, Sheree Clark. I am happy to say she told me I have grown over the last few months. I know I have grown. Oh, I've had a lot of set backs but I can look at them and think, "Hmmmm, maybe that's a sign that I need to stop doing that." Or, "I think a change would do me good in that arena."
Sheree asked me to stop peeking and actually look at things as they are. It reminds me of watching The Walking Dead. I like the story line and it's kind of exciting but I close my eyes a lot because I don't want to see people hacking up zombies. Its unnerving. So I peek through my fingers at life. I go through the motions and as long as I'm thrown a few crumbs here and there, then I don't have to lift my hands from in front of my face and identify what is good and what is bad in my life.
Now let's see. If you had goals to do this or that and you didn't do them for one reason or another that would be bad, right? But let's say you had things that made you you but you forego them because they don't fit in someone else's frame of reference. Is that fair to you? No. Is it fair to them? No.
I wrote on FB a couple days ago that sometimes the obvious is staring you in the face but you don't see it. I said hopefully someday you will. Then I said something that wasn't really me. It was when your ying finds the right yang it will all fall into place. I'm not a big ying/yang person but I do know that sometimes things click and sometimes they don't. Sometimes you have to come to the point where you realize - this ain't happening. This is like riding a bike with the brakes on all the time. I know what that feel like. One of our bikes actually had the brake rubbing up against the tire. The bike wouldn't even coast, In order to MOVE you had to peddle and peddle hard. While my biking companions were cruising down the bike path I was exhausted from peddling against the rub.
So today I came to a conclusion. That is that in order for me to be the best, most healthy me, changing have to take place. I'm on a journey and I will not be derailed. I have resolve. I will be healthy and that means adding in the things that are good for me, and releasing those that are not. I cannot live my life peaking through my fingers wondering when this chapter will be over. I need to open my eyes and decide what is the perfect place for me to be!
Fighting for less Stress in my life
What causes you stress? Me? Not having my house in order. Is it in order? No. What are the causes of the disorder?
First, I have Chelsea living with me. She will move out on January 10 and with her will go all of her and Carter's stuff. It will feel like a great starting point to declutter and destress my life.
So here's the goal in a nutshell:
1. Move my stuff into Chelsea's room. I have a sanctuary outside the master bedroom. This sanctuary has no TV and no dogs and no constant changing of channels.
2. Make the 4th bedroom into an office.
3. Move the cat litter to the basement and make the laundry room a functional laundry room.
4. Organize drawers. Nothing better than KNOWING where something is, right. So to quote my Great Grandma, "everything has a place and everything is in it's place."
5. Make Chloe's space somewhere an 18 year old will want to hang out.
First, I have Chelsea living with me. She will move out on January 10 and with her will go all of her and Carter's stuff. It will feel like a great starting point to declutter and destress my life.
So here's the goal in a nutshell:
1. Move my stuff into Chelsea's room. I have a sanctuary outside the master bedroom. This sanctuary has no TV and no dogs and no constant changing of channels.
2. Make the 4th bedroom into an office.
3. Move the cat litter to the basement and make the laundry room a functional laundry room.
4. Organize drawers. Nothing better than KNOWING where something is, right. So to quote my Great Grandma, "everything has a place and everything is in it's place."
5. Make Chloe's space somewhere an 18 year old will want to hang out.
Juice/Smoothie!!
I think it's yummy and it has been so easy. I leave the juicer out. Then it doesn't seem like such an ordeal to pull it out, put it together and then juice. It's already together.
I asked Jeff (my husband) to build me a couple raised beds.
This is going to be fun to juice things I grew. Farmer Kelly, that's what they'll call me!!! I guess I could wear stripped overalls and raise chickens in honor of my grandpa, Lauren Ferris. NOT!!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Trying for pictures on this blog journey.....
Well, now that I know how to post pictures, maybe my blog will be more exciting!!!
Sunday is Funday!
My daughter, Chelsea has been bugging us to start going to church on Sunday morning. We've always gone Sunday night but I have to say, not "religiously." The reason for that is because we are doing our thing, day of rest, etc. and then it seems to come out of no where. Oh. We've got to get ready for church. We better get there early to get a good seat. Our day of rest comes to a screeching halt. So we thought, let's go in the morning.
We got there a few minutes early and it was packed. We go the Lutheran Church of Hope which is this amazing church that keeps growing and growing and growing. The pastor, Mike Housholder, is younger than I and so "real." He doesn't come off churchy or preachy. The sermons are spot on!! Love it. When we went in we realized they had breakfast prior to. We decided next week we'd get up and go to breakfast.
Chelsea and I made a pact. I told her. You get involved, I'll get involved. They are starting an Alpha program next week. It's like Christianity 101. I was raised in church but I really want to start at point A and see what it is all about from an adult perspective. Not what I was taught. Not how I was raised. How it IS. From my perspective. I was always raised in church and knew everyone around. I still know many of the people from my parents' church. However, Hope has thousands of people. I know the occasional person here and there but without getting involved, it's just church. I want community. I realized today that I don't have much "social" opportunities anymore. I used to work so I rubbed shoulder with lots of people. I wore a skirt everyday almost. Now I am lucky to get ready, put on make up, etc. So here we go!! Another change this year of 2013.
As luck would have it, I saw Chloe's 4th grade teacher, Miss Sabin (she has since married and I don't even know her married name.) I yelled, "Shannon!!" She came over and we chatted. She was one of those teachers you click with. You know, every once in a while you are on the same page, you get along. Shannon was one of those teachers. She came over and told me her 2 1/2 year old daughter has Autism and she noted that when Chloe was in her class she always loved how easy going I was about Chloe's autism. She said she had wanted to get in touch with me but didn't really know how. I jotted my contact info and slipped it to her on my way to communion. I'm sure I will be a good resource for her and I can see us being good friends.
Speaking of friends, I have some girlfriends that I would like to get together with more often. You know how it is. You're getting old and you love your friends, but you don't get together because everyone is so busy and you get so tired. I have Chris and Sue and Marlene and Sheree and Sherrie and Carolyn and Sandie and and and...........Shell, Shelley, Mary, Debbie, Diana, Kathryn..........some in town and some out of town. All I know is they are special to me and I hate myself for neglecting those relationships. I guess relationships is another goal.
So let's see. Juicing. Community. Socializing. Eating healthy. I guess I should put exercise down but I really hate exercising. I HATE IT!! After the second time in chemo, my heart was affected. One of the side effects of Adriamyacin (Doxirubicin) could be heart problems. And guess what? I'm one of the unlucky ones whose heart was affected. So now I take high blood pressure pills, thyroid pills, another high blood pressure pill to protect my kidney, an anti-depressant, a diabetes med, and now - a heart pill. My medicine cabinet is full. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I not only kicked the cancer, but stablilized the rest of my "conditions?"
That would be cool!! So I juiced before church and had roasted vegetables after. We even went through Culver's and I didn't order anything. Then I got home and made some salmon for Chloe. I decided if I am going to get healthy, doesn't it make sense for me to try to help my daughter on the Autism Spectrum to eat healthy as well?? Here goes!
We got there a few minutes early and it was packed. We go the Lutheran Church of Hope which is this amazing church that keeps growing and growing and growing. The pastor, Mike Housholder, is younger than I and so "real." He doesn't come off churchy or preachy. The sermons are spot on!! Love it. When we went in we realized they had breakfast prior to. We decided next week we'd get up and go to breakfast.
Chelsea and I made a pact. I told her. You get involved, I'll get involved. They are starting an Alpha program next week. It's like Christianity 101. I was raised in church but I really want to start at point A and see what it is all about from an adult perspective. Not what I was taught. Not how I was raised. How it IS. From my perspective. I was always raised in church and knew everyone around. I still know many of the people from my parents' church. However, Hope has thousands of people. I know the occasional person here and there but without getting involved, it's just church. I want community. I realized today that I don't have much "social" opportunities anymore. I used to work so I rubbed shoulder with lots of people. I wore a skirt everyday almost. Now I am lucky to get ready, put on make up, etc. So here we go!! Another change this year of 2013.
As luck would have it, I saw Chloe's 4th grade teacher, Miss Sabin (she has since married and I don't even know her married name.) I yelled, "Shannon!!" She came over and we chatted. She was one of those teachers you click with. You know, every once in a while you are on the same page, you get along. Shannon was one of those teachers. She came over and told me her 2 1/2 year old daughter has Autism and she noted that when Chloe was in her class she always loved how easy going I was about Chloe's autism. She said she had wanted to get in touch with me but didn't really know how. I jotted my contact info and slipped it to her on my way to communion. I'm sure I will be a good resource for her and I can see us being good friends.
Speaking of friends, I have some girlfriends that I would like to get together with more often. You know how it is. You're getting old and you love your friends, but you don't get together because everyone is so busy and you get so tired. I have Chris and Sue and Marlene and Sheree and Sherrie and Carolyn and Sandie and and and...........Shell, Shelley, Mary, Debbie, Diana, Kathryn..........some in town and some out of town. All I know is they are special to me and I hate myself for neglecting those relationships. I guess relationships is another goal.
So let's see. Juicing. Community. Socializing. Eating healthy. I guess I should put exercise down but I really hate exercising. I HATE IT!! After the second time in chemo, my heart was affected. One of the side effects of Adriamyacin (Doxirubicin) could be heart problems. And guess what? I'm one of the unlucky ones whose heart was affected. So now I take high blood pressure pills, thyroid pills, another high blood pressure pill to protect my kidney, an anti-depressant, a diabetes med, and now - a heart pill. My medicine cabinet is full. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I not only kicked the cancer, but stablilized the rest of my "conditions?"
That would be cool!! So I juiced before church and had roasted vegetables after. We even went through Culver's and I didn't order anything. Then I got home and made some salmon for Chloe. I decided if I am going to get healthy, doesn't it make sense for me to try to help my daughter on the Autism Spectrum to eat healthy as well?? Here goes!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Too much garlic!
Ok, so down I went to drink some juice. Same recipe. Broccoli, cilantro, carrot, parsley. I threw a Cutie (orange) in there and then like SIX gloves of garlic!!! Garlic overkill!!!! I chugged it down! Also I was out of cukes and I didn't put an apple in. Compost galore!!
I'm going to try my hand at growing wheatgrass. Seems easy enough, plus I've always like the idea of gardening.
I've been looking at raised beds. I'm going to do it this year!! Last year I bought a rain barrel and a compostor. We had such a drought I don't think my rain barrel got ANY water in it. This year, I'm going to situate it by the raised beds. I'm thinking two - to start.
Think I'll try to set up a drip irrigation system as well. One of the things that didn't work last year was the heat and lack of water. I would water every day but we had a heat wave that lasted a very long time and it was over 100 degrees out there!! Awful. The plants could have used a lot of water. I'd say they got a sip each day.
On another note, I'm drinking some tea I brewed. I bought the Incurables program quite some time ago but never really got into it. I decided I am going to use all the stuff I bought. Teas. Detox. Super Foods.
I'm going to try my hand at growing wheatgrass. Seems easy enough, plus I've always like the idea of gardening.
I've been looking at raised beds. I'm going to do it this year!! Last year I bought a rain barrel and a compostor. We had such a drought I don't think my rain barrel got ANY water in it. This year, I'm going to situate it by the raised beds. I'm thinking two - to start.
Think I'll try to set up a drip irrigation system as well. One of the things that didn't work last year was the heat and lack of water. I would water every day but we had a heat wave that lasted a very long time and it was over 100 degrees out there!! Awful. The plants could have used a lot of water. I'd say they got a sip each day.
On another note, I'm drinking some tea I brewed. I bought the Incurables program quite some time ago but never really got into it. I decided I am going to use all the stuff I bought. Teas. Detox. Super Foods.
Uh oh!! Skipped a day!
As much as I like to talk, I cannot believe I skipped a day!!
One thing I have noticed over the two full days of NOT cheating was how full I felt.
Day before yesterday I had my first juice of the year. It was delish. Then I made the cauliflower popcorn my friend Sheree shared with me. You cut up a head of organic cauliflower, put it in a zip lock. Add olive oil, nutritional yeast and some garlic salt. (more on spices later.) Shake it up. Put it in a bowl. I eat the whole thing. It's so good for you.
I also roasted some vegetables. I screwed that one up. I had brussel sprouts, mushrooms, cauliflower, red pepper, squash, butternut squash. I put olive oil and salt and pepper on them and put them in a 425 oven for 35 minutes. Well they were overcooked and mushy. Actually they were delicious but were not what I had in mind. I think a hotter oven and less vegetables that "shrink." I wanted still firm but with a browned side. Maybe more of a stir fry would have been good.
Yesterday more juice and my Vitamin C/Calm drink with vitamins. Then a big glass of juice (adding broccoli to the recipe.) I was actually full. In two days I really didn't eat much other than veggies and juice and I was FULL! I felt so healthy!!
Plus I am a distributor for a nutritional drink called Trevo. If you go to Trevocorporate.com you can learn more about the drink. It is micronized (think concentrated to the micron level.) It has every good fruit, vegetable, seaweed, coral grade calcium, digestive enzymes, vitamins, minerals, etc. Dr. Jean told me it is a good product. I'd love to introduce it to the midwest and be one of those ground floor MLM success stories but I don't have it in me anymore. The only obsession I can have in my life right now is healing myself. Trevo is part of it. If you come to me, I'd be happy to tell you about it, but I'm not going to invite you to a meeting or a call.......I am going to drink 6 oz per day. The dose for a normal, healthy person is 1 oz. I feel that by flooding my body with as many good things in a day can only help heal myself.
Am I being a Nazi? No. I will not beat myself up if I eat something outside the raw/vegan/vegetarian realm. My goal is to be totally aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I have Netflix and I love it. In fact, I barely EVER watch TV anymore. What I watch I watch on Netflix. There I started with Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. This is what got me on the Juicing bandwagon. I've watched so many documentaries on food and health. Watch a few of these and I am sure you will change the way you eat. I highly recommend Netflix and to educate yourself about what you are doing to your body. One thing I gleaned from one of the shows is this. Don't deprive yourself of things. Add IN healthy things to your diet. Every time you choose organic over regular. Every time you choose free range beef over antibiotic ridden, fattened up meat you will be one step closer to a healthier you. Drink filtered water instead of soda. I cannot tell you how much I LOVE a huge glass of watered filled with ice!!
Spices. After I started seeing Sheree Clark, I realized she made so many of her recipes with lots and lots of spices. I looked at her spice cabinet and it was filled with organic, fragrant spices. I went home and cleared all the outdated spices. I threw them away. Why would I put an expired, processed spice into a recipe? How in the world would I think it would make it taste better? I've also done some research on spices like garlic and turmeric. These are all very good to help combat cancer. So you can make your food awesome and fight cancer? Who knew???
One other topic. I have worked through some emotional baggage which I know directly has to do with my cancer. I believe I got cancer because my life was out of order. I was stressed ALL the time which turns your body into a cancer making machine. I believe that most illnesses are caused or made worse by emotions like anger, bitterness, hate, etc. I was so guilty. I am working through the causes of my anxiety.
At this point in my life I have one nagging situation which doesn't seem to get better. It causes stress and I need to do something about it. I don't think I can be completely free to heal until something happens in the situation. The problem is, it is not something that I have the power to change. The only thing I can do is try to influence the people involved in order to effect change. That is part of my stress. I can see from the outside looking in how dysfunctional and out of whack the situation is. I also know that the players in the situation know it is not right either. I watch as people have become stuck in a place where it is more than uncomfortable to change. If they make a move the wrong way, they could upset the apple cart. Everyone seems paralyzed even though everyone knows it is not a good situation. I have gotten the "pray about it" defense, and believe me I really have prayed. Please God do something!! So anyway, I've got to figure out what to do about the situation so it doesn't affect my stress. I really should be able to walk away and not worry about it, but it affects someone I love very much and because of that I cannot stop thinking about it.
One thing I have noticed over the two full days of NOT cheating was how full I felt.
Day before yesterday I had my first juice of the year. It was delish. Then I made the cauliflower popcorn my friend Sheree shared with me. You cut up a head of organic cauliflower, put it in a zip lock. Add olive oil, nutritional yeast and some garlic salt. (more on spices later.) Shake it up. Put it in a bowl. I eat the whole thing. It's so good for you.
I also roasted some vegetables. I screwed that one up. I had brussel sprouts, mushrooms, cauliflower, red pepper, squash, butternut squash. I put olive oil and salt and pepper on them and put them in a 425 oven for 35 minutes. Well they were overcooked and mushy. Actually they were delicious but were not what I had in mind. I think a hotter oven and less vegetables that "shrink." I wanted still firm but with a browned side. Maybe more of a stir fry would have been good.
Yesterday more juice and my Vitamin C/Calm drink with vitamins. Then a big glass of juice (adding broccoli to the recipe.) I was actually full. In two days I really didn't eat much other than veggies and juice and I was FULL! I felt so healthy!!
Plus I am a distributor for a nutritional drink called Trevo. If you go to Trevocorporate.com you can learn more about the drink. It is micronized (think concentrated to the micron level.) It has every good fruit, vegetable, seaweed, coral grade calcium, digestive enzymes, vitamins, minerals, etc. Dr. Jean told me it is a good product. I'd love to introduce it to the midwest and be one of those ground floor MLM success stories but I don't have it in me anymore. The only obsession I can have in my life right now is healing myself. Trevo is part of it. If you come to me, I'd be happy to tell you about it, but I'm not going to invite you to a meeting or a call.......I am going to drink 6 oz per day. The dose for a normal, healthy person is 1 oz. I feel that by flooding my body with as many good things in a day can only help heal myself.
Am I being a Nazi? No. I will not beat myself up if I eat something outside the raw/vegan/vegetarian realm. My goal is to be totally aware of what I am putting in my mouth.
I have Netflix and I love it. In fact, I barely EVER watch TV anymore. What I watch I watch on Netflix. There I started with Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. This is what got me on the Juicing bandwagon. I've watched so many documentaries on food and health. Watch a few of these and I am sure you will change the way you eat. I highly recommend Netflix and to educate yourself about what you are doing to your body. One thing I gleaned from one of the shows is this. Don't deprive yourself of things. Add IN healthy things to your diet. Every time you choose organic over regular. Every time you choose free range beef over antibiotic ridden, fattened up meat you will be one step closer to a healthier you. Drink filtered water instead of soda. I cannot tell you how much I LOVE a huge glass of watered filled with ice!!
Spices. After I started seeing Sheree Clark, I realized she made so many of her recipes with lots and lots of spices. I looked at her spice cabinet and it was filled with organic, fragrant spices. I went home and cleared all the outdated spices. I threw them away. Why would I put an expired, processed spice into a recipe? How in the world would I think it would make it taste better? I've also done some research on spices like garlic and turmeric. These are all very good to help combat cancer. So you can make your food awesome and fight cancer? Who knew???
One other topic. I have worked through some emotional baggage which I know directly has to do with my cancer. I believe I got cancer because my life was out of order. I was stressed ALL the time which turns your body into a cancer making machine. I believe that most illnesses are caused or made worse by emotions like anger, bitterness, hate, etc. I was so guilty. I am working through the causes of my anxiety.
At this point in my life I have one nagging situation which doesn't seem to get better. It causes stress and I need to do something about it. I don't think I can be completely free to heal until something happens in the situation. The problem is, it is not something that I have the power to change. The only thing I can do is try to influence the people involved in order to effect change. That is part of my stress. I can see from the outside looking in how dysfunctional and out of whack the situation is. I also know that the players in the situation know it is not right either. I watch as people have become stuck in a place where it is more than uncomfortable to change. If they make a move the wrong way, they could upset the apple cart. Everyone seems paralyzed even though everyone knows it is not a good situation. I have gotten the "pray about it" defense, and believe me I really have prayed. Please God do something!! So anyway, I've got to figure out what to do about the situation so it doesn't affect my stress. I really should be able to walk away and not worry about it, but it affects someone I love very much and because of that I cannot stop thinking about it.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
First Day Back to Juicing
I pulled out the Huron Juicer. I bought this brand because it will juice wheatgrass as well as other fruits and vegetables. I made my first juice of the New Year. Apple, carrot, cucumber, parsley and cilantro. I must say, IT IS DELICIOUS!!
I was invited out to eat last night by my wonderful daughter, Courtney. She has always loved to go out to dinner. When my dad was alive he went out to dinner almost every night. Mom and dad would invite Courtney and Luke to go with them so they really enjoy going out. Me? I'm over it. I asked Courtney to give me a chance to do right with my body. Let's face it, if you are continually tempted, it is hard to stay on a diet.
That reminds me. I have always struggled with my weight. I've fought the fat monster since I was about 19. I was thin in high school, even skinny. But the minute I stopped moving constantly (cheerleading) and started drinking beer and eating pizza, I gained. I kept gaining. Then I had children. I tried every diet on the planet. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, LA Weight Loss Center, Mayo Clinic Diet, Adkins, Herbalife, Diet pills. They never worked. Maybe in the short run but never the long run.
Now I don't worry about dieting. Yes, we all want to look our best, but dieting doesn't work. Look at the many fat people out there who have dieted many times. I have watched friends balloon up. I'm sure people looked at me and said behind my back "she has really put on the weight." It's humiliating being fat. Funny thing, too, is that fat people always say they don't eat that much. The truth is, fat people eat too much junk. Sugar mostly. Here's an example of why fat people are fat. I bought some egg nog this winter. I was going to drink the whole bottle (it was 12 oz.) When I looked at the nutrition label it revealed the bottle equaled 3 servings. Each serving was 250 calories so the whole bottle was 750 calories. Plus it had like 60 grams of sugar in the bottle. Needless to say, I didn't drink it. But a fat person would say. I had a salad, some egg nog, some lasagna and two cookies. That's not that much. And it really wouldn't be a lot. But the egg nog and the cookies and the lasagna would spike your sugar and make you fat. Fat doesn't make you fat. Sugar makes you fat. And Diet Soda makes you fat.
Well enough about that. I'm obviously not a diet guru. What I am is a person battling cancer and since that diagnosis I have gone from asleep to awake about what is good for me. Sugar is NOT good for me. Fruits and vegetables are good for me. I even have a pretty easy time steering away from meat. All I have to do is think "flesh of an animal" and it kind of grosses me out. My weakness is sushi. But beef and chicken and turkey? I think I'm over that as well.
Now let's finish with juicing. I was reading a Juice Plan on William-Sonoma website. They had juice recipes for 30 days. Some of the people were aghast at how much went into one drink. Two pints of blueberries?? Seems like overkill. But think about it. You take all the nutritional value out of the fruits and vegetables and squeeze it into a manageable drink. Your body is flooded with nutrients. You feel healthy after drinking it. That's my goal!!! Throw nutrients into my body!!!! Kick the cancer's a**!!! And maybe lose weight the right way. Not counting calories or eating prepackaged food or counting points. Maybe just choosing healthy food??
I was invited out to eat last night by my wonderful daughter, Courtney. She has always loved to go out to dinner. When my dad was alive he went out to dinner almost every night. Mom and dad would invite Courtney and Luke to go with them so they really enjoy going out. Me? I'm over it. I asked Courtney to give me a chance to do right with my body. Let's face it, if you are continually tempted, it is hard to stay on a diet.
That reminds me. I have always struggled with my weight. I've fought the fat monster since I was about 19. I was thin in high school, even skinny. But the minute I stopped moving constantly (cheerleading) and started drinking beer and eating pizza, I gained. I kept gaining. Then I had children. I tried every diet on the planet. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, LA Weight Loss Center, Mayo Clinic Diet, Adkins, Herbalife, Diet pills. They never worked. Maybe in the short run but never the long run.
Now I don't worry about dieting. Yes, we all want to look our best, but dieting doesn't work. Look at the many fat people out there who have dieted many times. I have watched friends balloon up. I'm sure people looked at me and said behind my back "she has really put on the weight." It's humiliating being fat. Funny thing, too, is that fat people always say they don't eat that much. The truth is, fat people eat too much junk. Sugar mostly. Here's an example of why fat people are fat. I bought some egg nog this winter. I was going to drink the whole bottle (it was 12 oz.) When I looked at the nutrition label it revealed the bottle equaled 3 servings. Each serving was 250 calories so the whole bottle was 750 calories. Plus it had like 60 grams of sugar in the bottle. Needless to say, I didn't drink it. But a fat person would say. I had a salad, some egg nog, some lasagna and two cookies. That's not that much. And it really wouldn't be a lot. But the egg nog and the cookies and the lasagna would spike your sugar and make you fat. Fat doesn't make you fat. Sugar makes you fat. And Diet Soda makes you fat.
Well enough about that. I'm obviously not a diet guru. What I am is a person battling cancer and since that diagnosis I have gone from asleep to awake about what is good for me. Sugar is NOT good for me. Fruits and vegetables are good for me. I even have a pretty easy time steering away from meat. All I have to do is think "flesh of an animal" and it kind of grosses me out. My weakness is sushi. But beef and chicken and turkey? I think I'm over that as well.
Now let's finish with juicing. I was reading a Juice Plan on William-Sonoma website. They had juice recipes for 30 days. Some of the people were aghast at how much went into one drink. Two pints of blueberries?? Seems like overkill. But think about it. You take all the nutritional value out of the fruits and vegetables and squeeze it into a manageable drink. Your body is flooded with nutrients. You feel healthy after drinking it. That's my goal!!! Throw nutrients into my body!!!! Kick the cancer's a**!!! And maybe lose weight the right way. Not counting calories or eating prepackaged food or counting points. Maybe just choosing healthy food??
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Two posts in one day.
After my initial post, I went to the Juice Co. and ordered a Super Juice. Then I went to Campbell's Nutrition and bought up some organic vegetables.
I didn't buy a huge amount because I always seem to be throwing slimy vegetables out. I decided "less is more." I'd try to use up what I bought and then go back for more. I've been told that a healthy food diet means more trips to the store. You cannot stock up on raw fruits and vegetables. Also, if you make your own food, it doesn't keep for long. It is not full of preservatives and things to make it last. I guess that is good. I stock up so much that I throw away so much food.
I bought carrots and cucumber and parsley and cilantro and apples. That's it. Juice, juice, juice.
I'm also drinking a big glass of Vitamin C and Magnesium. I purchased bulk Vitamin C and also a magnesium supplement called Calm. I put a heaping teaspoon of C (5000 mg) and two heaping teaspoons of Calm. It becomes effervescent so it mixes the Vitamin C (which is so sour by itself.) I figure that's a good elixir. Also much to my disbelief, my onc actually told me he had read some studies which say Vitamin C is a good supplement to help combat cancer!! (A miracle!! He has NEVER been one to endorse or even allow alternative meds. He thinks I am strong willed (which I am) and just laughs at my tenacity.)
I also had a sandwich from Campbell's. An earthy bread with avocado and cheese. Tasted like lemon juice, too. Their sandwiches are delish..
Tomorrow the Juicer comes out and I leave it out. Yay to the health benefits of pure juice!
Now the question is. Should I try to grow my own wheatgrass?
After my initial post, I went to the Juice Co. and ordered a Super Juice. Then I went to Campbell's Nutrition and bought up some organic vegetables.
I didn't buy a huge amount because I always seem to be throwing slimy vegetables out. I decided "less is more." I'd try to use up what I bought and then go back for more. I've been told that a healthy food diet means more trips to the store. You cannot stock up on raw fruits and vegetables. Also, if you make your own food, it doesn't keep for long. It is not full of preservatives and things to make it last. I guess that is good. I stock up so much that I throw away so much food.
I bought carrots and cucumber and parsley and cilantro and apples. That's it. Juice, juice, juice.
I'm also drinking a big glass of Vitamin C and Magnesium. I purchased bulk Vitamin C and also a magnesium supplement called Calm. I put a heaping teaspoon of C (5000 mg) and two heaping teaspoons of Calm. It becomes effervescent so it mixes the Vitamin C (which is so sour by itself.) I figure that's a good elixir. Also much to my disbelief, my onc actually told me he had read some studies which say Vitamin C is a good supplement to help combat cancer!! (A miracle!! He has NEVER been one to endorse or even allow alternative meds. He thinks I am strong willed (which I am) and just laughs at my tenacity.)
I also had a sandwich from Campbell's. An earthy bread with avocado and cheese. Tasted like lemon juice, too. Their sandwiches are delish..
Tomorrow the Juicer comes out and I leave it out. Yay to the health benefits of pure juice!
Now the question is. Should I try to grow my own wheatgrass?
January 2, 2013 - First Blog
Hello! My name is Kelly Maigaard and I am starting a blog to chronicle my fight with Leiomyosarcoma.
They found the LMS (leiomyosarcoma) on the day Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died. I went in for a routine hysterectomy and came out with a battle on my hands. That was June 25, 2009. In June it will be 4 years and I have fought hard to beat it. But I know now that LMS is a hard cancer to beat, In fact, my oncologist said to me, "this cancer will eventually take you." He doesn't give me much hope, does he?
Over the last 4 years I have kept people up to date on facebook and I have a caring bridge site which I go to whenever I have a CT scan or something interesting happen. Sometimes it is months between log ins.
This blog is not a continuation of all my rantings over the 3 1/2 year battle with my cancer. No, this blog is about how I am going to fight this thing in 2013.
Last year I started seeing a former teacher from Drake (I remember her, she didn't remember me.) who is now a health coach. Her name is Sheree Clark. I also went back to see my favorite doctor, Dr. Jean Lorentzen. Between the two ladies, I embrace traditional cancer treatments while adding in alternatives. I was a dutiful little patient for most of the first two years of my battle. The doctors told me to NOT take supplements while I was on chemo. I spent months in bed trying to battle this awful cancer. After doing everything right, the cancer spread. I had done two different chemotherapies and had three surgeries. After all that when they saw the cancer was growing, they suggested I start a new oral chemo. I snapped. I ran from Mayo to Cancer Treatment Center of America, to Iowa City and back home to my original oncologist, Matt Hill. They all said the same things. More chemo. I decided, ok, I'll do the chemo but I am also going to take supplements. I brought all the anti-cancer supplements to Dr. Jean and she sorted them. She told me which ones I COULD take and told me to hold off on the others. I have been taking Vitamin C and Magnesium and Vitamin D and Ubiquitol and Milk Thistle. Plus taking Temodar. I had to fight to get the Temodar because my insurance didn't want to pay the $15,000 per round it cost. I finally got it and have been taking it.
So I have been doing well with this regime. I go in for my next CT scan on January 9. We will see if it is still working.
Meanwhile, this blog is about what I am going to do to combat my cancer in 2013. Oh yes, I have done well and done not too good. But this year, I feel I owe it to myself to REALLY make an effort to effect change. I only have one life and processed food is not the way to live a long one. I won't roll over and die. I've only got this one life!!
They found the LMS (leiomyosarcoma) on the day Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died. I went in for a routine hysterectomy and came out with a battle on my hands. That was June 25, 2009. In June it will be 4 years and I have fought hard to beat it. But I know now that LMS is a hard cancer to beat, In fact, my oncologist said to me, "this cancer will eventually take you." He doesn't give me much hope, does he?
Over the last 4 years I have kept people up to date on facebook and I have a caring bridge site which I go to whenever I have a CT scan or something interesting happen. Sometimes it is months between log ins.
This blog is not a continuation of all my rantings over the 3 1/2 year battle with my cancer. No, this blog is about how I am going to fight this thing in 2013.
Last year I started seeing a former teacher from Drake (I remember her, she didn't remember me.) who is now a health coach. Her name is Sheree Clark. I also went back to see my favorite doctor, Dr. Jean Lorentzen. Between the two ladies, I embrace traditional cancer treatments while adding in alternatives. I was a dutiful little patient for most of the first two years of my battle. The doctors told me to NOT take supplements while I was on chemo. I spent months in bed trying to battle this awful cancer. After doing everything right, the cancer spread. I had done two different chemotherapies and had three surgeries. After all that when they saw the cancer was growing, they suggested I start a new oral chemo. I snapped. I ran from Mayo to Cancer Treatment Center of America, to Iowa City and back home to my original oncologist, Matt Hill. They all said the same things. More chemo. I decided, ok, I'll do the chemo but I am also going to take supplements. I brought all the anti-cancer supplements to Dr. Jean and she sorted them. She told me which ones I COULD take and told me to hold off on the others. I have been taking Vitamin C and Magnesium and Vitamin D and Ubiquitol and Milk Thistle. Plus taking Temodar. I had to fight to get the Temodar because my insurance didn't want to pay the $15,000 per round it cost. I finally got it and have been taking it.
So I have been doing well with this regime. I go in for my next CT scan on January 9. We will see if it is still working.
Meanwhile, this blog is about what I am going to do to combat my cancer in 2013. Oh yes, I have done well and done not too good. But this year, I feel I owe it to myself to REALLY make an effort to effect change. I only have one life and processed food is not the way to live a long one. I won't roll over and die. I've only got this one life!!
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