How Fast Time Flies

Last night I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert.  I remember hearing their songs while visiting my friends, Debbie and Diana Izbicki in my Junior year of high school.  It seemed every time I went out East to see my friends I would be turned on to some new song that hadn't made it's way all the way to the Midwest.  I'd come home and tell my friends, "you've got to hear this!"

So last night I huffed and puffed as we made it to our seats.  Everyone around me had gray hair.  For the most part the crowd was old.  Yes, there were younger people who were probably turned on to Fleetwood Mac by their parents.

Little did we know (back in my high school days) that we were experiencing some of the greatest music recorded.  My husband told me that besides Thriller by Michael Jackson, the record Rumors by Fleetwood Mac is one of the all time best selling records EVER.

I guess a lot of people look back at the 70s and see Disco.  Studio 54.  Some truly ugly fashion and make up and have preconceived notions about how it was back then.  The truth is, life was simpler.  No, we didn't have computers, or smartphones.  Heck most of the people didn't have a microwave.  Our cars all had rear wheel drive and we had to be really good drivers to get our cars up steep hills in the winter.  We were young and full of life.

There was some great, rocking music back in the day.  Straight out drumming, guitar playing rock and roll.  That's why to this day, people with gray hair - old people can still rock!!  Hahahaha

But what I cannot believe is how much time that has gone by since then.  I was 17 when Rumors was released.

Thirty six years later the group can still rock.  Stevie looks great!  Lindsey Buckingham can play a mean guitar and sing.  Mick Fleetwood?  I was worried he was going to fall over dead of a heart attack.  No man pushing 70 should be able to rock a set of drums like he did last night!!!

We were reminiscing about our youth and we realized when that record came out, our parents were in their 30s!!  Yes, in a blink of an eye my life has passed.

You get out of high school and go to college.  You get married.  You have kids.  Then when you have your kids time is set to high speed.  Just look at your children.  Do you have little ones?  How fast did that first 5 years go?  Imagine that in 3 more segments of 5 years, your child will be 20.  And you will be that much older.  I am convinced that when you are a young parent, it sends you into a time warp and you come out the other side with grown kids and grand kids.

The topic of conversation at my 35th class reunion was just that.  How did we get this old?  How did that new album by Fleetwood Mac turn into a Classic?  How did my little children turn into adults?

I cannot fathom it.  I'm sure if my grandma was still here she would tell me how fast her 95 years went. I've heard some things like "Life is a vapor."  I believe it now.  You don't believe it when you are young but you will.  I promise you, you will and it will happen faster than you ever anticipated it!!!

Catching you up!!! On me!!

The past month or so have been a whirlwind!  I had a CT scan which showed a probable two inch tumor growing on my lower bowel.

I got Chloe's graduation over, went to Virginia and Nag's Head for six days, immediately drove to Bellevue, Nebraska for my 35th class reunion and then road tripped to Mayo with my mom to check out the "tumor" on my lower bowel.

Thankfully I had decided to go back to the doctors that had performed major surgery on me in January 2011.  His first instinct was to do his due diligence before he opened me up again in the same area.  The surgery in 2011 totally removed my ureter and a tumor which was wrapped around it like a hot dog bun, took some bowel and reconstructed my ureter.  They also cut some of my liver away which had a couple small tumors on it.  This surgery knocked me down further than I have ever been.  I gained 22 pounds in the hospital since they were filling me full of fluids but nothing was coming out.  Then I got home to recuperate and proceeded to lose 50 pounds in a month.  I was gaunt.  I had very short hair since it was just growing out after some chemotherapy.  My gums were receding.  I slept all day.  It was hard for me to go from the bed to the bathroom.  I had to deal with a catheter for 10 days which would clog due to debris in my urine which was caused by the make shift ureter made of bowel. Apparently bowel always produces debris even after it is repurposed.

While at Mayo I had my first ever colonoscopy.  What they say is true.  The worst part is the fasting and drinking and going to the bathroom numerous times.  The actual procedure isn't too bad.  I was able to see inside and they didn't see anything which looked like tumor encroaching into my bowel, so that was good!

So anyway, all that to say is I am dealing with the same surgeons and team who operated on me back then.  They know my history and are going to make darn sure it is a tumor and not scar tissue before they open me up.  I assume that area is a mess and they don't want to have to mess with it if they do not have to.

So I go back up to Mayo on July 11/12 to run more tests and meet with the team up there.  I supposed they will do a PET scan or a biopsy to see if what they see is a tumor.  Or if it is scar tissue.  If it is not a tumor, I will be the cleanest I have been in a LONG time!!!  I just want to hear the term NED so bad.  What used to be called remission is now called - No Evidence of Disease!

Other news on the health front.  I've been dizzy lately.  I went to the doc today and my blood pressure was very low.  I am going to not take one of my high blood pressure meds.  I think that will help.  I've felt like I am going to black out so many times lately.  High humidity.  Low blood pressure.  Not fun.

And that is that on the health front.  Dealing with lots of other paperwork, etc.  Cleaning out the coat closet and making it into a pantry.  Everything is good!

Scapegoat VS Golden Child

I had a conversation with someone the other day and we discussed these terms.  Usually in a family with dysfunction, children or family members fall into categories.  I wanted to outline these two "roles" that people fulfill to try to shine a light on this.

Here you go.

The Golden Child/Hero

The golden child is the one who “can do no wrong”. This child is viewed as being the best and the brightest; even if they’re not.
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Some golden children play the part well and end up stuck in the role of success-object, and some golden children are entitled troublemakers who are never expected to actually earn anything, due to their already-favored status. Golden children are expected to abandon their authentic selves in exchange for hollow esteem.

Many golden children wake up much later in life to a nice home, a fancy car, a high-paying job and a supposedly perfect family, all of which they suddenly realize they’d like to trade for something more authentic. Other golden children are the opposite; their lives are a mess because they’ve never had to work to earn their status, and the rest of the world doesn’t reward them similarly for doing nothing.

The Scapegoat

The scapegoat is the child who can “do no right”. This child is viewed as being the reason for everything undesirable and bad, even when they excel.

Some scapegoats enter into the trap of trying harder and harder to redeem themselves in the eyes of their family so they can finally be respected and appreciated for who they really are. They can never be good enough, and will burn themselves out trying to get a pat on the back. Other scapegoats succumb to the role of “bad one” and make waves, because they’re always labeled bad regardless, so they give up trying and rebel in anger.

Many scapegoats spend much of their adult lives still trying to be accepted and appreciated by constantly doing more, giving more and trying more. Other scapegoats spark lots of conflict and difficulties. Scapegoats typically wake up later in life and and realize things aren’t as they should be when their constant efforts to gain respect backfire and get them walked all over at work and at home (or when they get themselves into one too many conflicts pertaining to their adoption of a “who cares” attitude).

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More Here: http://lightshouse.org/lights-blog/the-four-dysfunctional-family-roles#ixzz2WCyHRdEI

Contentment

Today I feel content.

I don't know.  I went to visit my friends in Virginia.  I went to my class reunion.  I went to Mayo and had some pretty good news.

My daughter, Chloe slept with me last night.  I think she missed me.

The reason I must live a long life is for her.  I am her rock.  Without me she is lost.  The Lord will allow me to stay alive for her.

I have grandchildren.  The Lord will allow me to stay alive for them.

I have family.  The Lord will allow me to stay alive for them.

I have friends.  The Lord will allow me to stay alive for them.

I have no hate.  There have been quite a few times in my life that I have been very angry.  Someone refuses to step up to the plate and my frustration levels go through the roof!  I have released everyone.

People's choices if they do not affect me, are of no consequence.  Who cares?  Everyone has to live their own lives.  Make their own mistakes.  There is nothing I can do about it.

All I want is love.  If you do not love me, I cannot force you to do so.  Maybe I do not love you either.  But for those who I love, I love.  If I want love from someone and they do not have it in them to give me the love I need, then I feel sorry for them.  I must learn to live without their love.  It is a hard pill to swallow but it has to be done.  You cannot force people to do something they either can't or won't do.

So happy to realize these things.