I've been fighting cancer for over 5 years. It's interesting when you first get diagnosed how many people are there for you. You get lots of posts on your FB wall and everyone rallies with you. Then time starts ticking and the newness of the disease wears off.
Some people stick with you. Through every post on the next surgery or chemo or ache or pain they have some nice words of encouragement. They seem to be there in spirit. But so, so many probably get weary of the constant battle they hear about and pull away.
I've been surprised at the lack of encouragement I get from so many people who I would have considered friends over the years. I'm not sure why this is but some people drop you like a hot potato.
I'm part of a support group online for people with leiomyosarcoma and recently we had a discussion about this very thing. So many have lost boyfriends, husbands, wives, friends, etc. Mostly because those people could not deal with the constant battle of cancer fighting. We've agreed that people react in different ways. Some of our families live in denial and push for us to be the same as we used to be. Some people simply disappear and don't look back.
Another thing us cancer patients seem to have in common is our direct and sometimes not appreciated communication. When someone hands you a death sentence (or perceived death sentence) something within you snaps. Playing the game of life changes. You are more honest and to the point and that makes people very uncomfortable. Because of that we are often times disliked and hated. This hurts because not only are we dealing with death on a daily basis but then we are dealing with people pushing back trying to get us to go back into our PC box. So you are sick and hated.
Because of my love for psychology I have been trying to figure out why people react to disease the way they do. I guess no matter how you slice it, it is hard subject. Some people pretend it isn't there. I have one friend who I used to talk to all the time and now I never do. When I do talk to her the conversation is always about her. I'm not sure if she can handle what I am going through so she just doesn't mention it.
Also I've had people on FB unfriend me. Peripheral ones. Not that I talk to them much but I notice they are gone. I cannot help but have my feelings hurt. OR when my friends comment on each other's posts and pictures but not mine, it makes me think they have hidden me from their newsfeed. Is it because I am a bother to them? They don't want to hear it? Or they don't want to be confronted with my illness? Or they are just plain sick of it? My online support group have decided that we shouldn't sweat this. If they don't want to be our friend at this point in our lives than we really don't need or want them. We will lean on and towards those who are a constant encouragement to us. We need the positive vibes. We don't need the negatives. We cannot fault these people either because we don't know what is going on in their mind. Everyone deals with cancer and just humans in general in different ways. If they don't act like we think they should then that is our problem, not theirs. The support group has been so good for me because I am able to vent to people who are going through the exact same thing as I am so they understand.
I guess I don't expect everyone to stay on my roller coaster but I would appreciate it if some of my friends would check in from time to time. I would appreciate it if those closest to me would let me try to get better by not exposing me to sickness and a really demanding schedule. I wish the people who have a really hard time with illness would learn from me that very little is needed from your sick friend, just an acknowledgement from time to time. A gift card for gas or groceries would be so appreciated because we are always running to Mayo and spending money we don't have on hotels and deductibles etc.
I guess I understand. Death and disease is not an easy subject but it is also a very lonely and scary place to live. All you want is your old life back. All you want is to be able to live and work and be and do.
