This morning I read the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18. Here's what I realized:
I have a good memory. I can remember things that happened decades ago in my life and I can remember what happened this past weekend in great detail. One of the things that I too often remember is a word or action that someone else took that affected my life. I don't forget - and I don't forgive. It is amazing (and embarrassing) how I can hold on to the smallest slights and the least significant mistakes of others. And all the while I conveniently ignore the things in my life that God has graciously forgiven me for because of what Jesus did on the cross. In the words of Jesus, I end up pushing the telephone pole in my own eye out of the way so I can pick at the splinters in someone else's eye. In the parable of the merciful servant, the King (representing God) asks, “Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” I think, “Yeah God, that's a great question!” Then I think, “Yikes, that's a great question.” So this morning I personalized the question. “Darrick, shouldn't you have mercy on other people just like I have on you?” God's forgiveness toward me is so great, how can I withhold forgiveness from others over so little? God, forgive me. And help me to forgive.
After I read this it dawned on me, I am a judgmental jerk. I have used my cancer as an excuse to say anything I want knowing that (some) people will forgive me because I have a disease. I found out the hard way this is not true because I have had so much more flack since the diagnosis than before.
I am especially hard on Christians. Being a Christian myself, I judge the ones who judge others. I coined the term reverse judgmentalism. I have always hated people who look down their noses at others because they are not like them. I've held resentment towards those people who proclaim to be righteous as they show by their actions just how hypocritical they are.
I'm constantly writing on facebook how it's done. How obvious it is to me what you are doing wrong! Well, I'm here to tell you that I am the Queen of doing it wrong and I ask for forgiveness right here and right now.
I have no right to judge people because I do not live in their shoes. I don't understand how it feels to have some type of a learning disability. I have had depression in the past so I have an inkling of what a clinical depression can do to someone, however, how they handle their depression is all theirs. No amount of "pick yourself up by the boot straps" and passive aggressive posts are going to make people change just because I think they should.
One time someone said to me. "If you are overweight and someone tells you you need to lose weight, it hurts. An overweight person knows they are overweight."
People have lots of different issues. Some people are hooked on cigarettes, some have problems with drugs and alcohol, some don't have good self esteem, some don't have it in them to recite the alphabet without getting distracted before they hit the letter R - to ask that person to do a series of things in a particular order to try to accomplish a goal might be impossible. For me to ask my child with autism to behave differently just because I said so is absurd.
Don't you think the person who is addicted to cigarettes KNOWS they need to quit, just like the obese person KNOWS they need to lose weight? Is it my job to constantly remind them of their shortcomings?
So as outspoken as I am, today I am going to try to stop obsessing over other people's stuff. (Unless their comes a time which I feel I need to intervene, but I'll keep that to myself and not announce it on Facebook.)
My other friend posted something today as well, something about facebook being a public forum and if you proclaim something on your status then you are fair game for the repercussions. In fact, you should expect it.
So for those people who frustrate me, I now choose to pray for you. I am not your conscience. No one has died and left me in charge of everything. Hopefully you choose to try your best every single day. I know there are some who make life hard on themselves by trying to take shortcuts and by trying to get something for nothing, They are the ones who have to live with the consequences of their behavior, just like we all do. The world calls it Karma, the Bible says you reap what you sow. It is not my job to punish you if you don't meet my expectations.
So there it is!!
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