A-Ha moment!!

Have you ever been minding your own business?  Going through the motions?  Have you ever thought, "this is as good as it gets?"

Do you habitually go through the same motions over and over again.  It doesn't matter where you find yourself in your life, you make the same bad choices, you choose the same kind of people to be around.  Do you ever want to bang your head against a brick wall because you realize at some time - finally - that your life has become a self fulfilling prophecy?  It doesn't matter where you are or with whom, you will always go to the familiar.  You will always reach for the vanilla (or chocolate or strawberry - meaning it just doesn't matter, you are a creature of habit.)  You might not even know you are that way until someone points it out.  It's obvious.

Today was my last official session with my friend and health coach, Sheree Clark.  I am happy to say she told me I have grown over the last few months.  I know I have grown.  Oh, I've had a lot of set backs but I can look at them and think, "Hmmmm, maybe that's a sign that I need to stop doing that."  Or, "I think a change would do me good in that arena."

Sheree asked me to stop peeking and actually look at things as they are.  It reminds me of watching The Walking Dead.  I like the story line and it's kind of exciting but I close my eyes a lot because I don't want to see people hacking up zombies.  Its unnerving.  So I peek through my fingers at life.  I go through the motions and as long as I'm thrown a few crumbs here and there, then I don't have to lift my hands from in front of my face and identify what is good and what is bad in my life.

Now let's see.  If you had goals to do this or that and you didn't do them for one reason or another that would be bad, right?  But let's say you had things that made you you but you forego them because they don't fit in someone else's frame of reference.  Is that fair to you?  No.  Is it fair to them?  No.

I wrote on FB a couple days ago that sometimes the obvious is staring you in the face but you don't see it.  I said hopefully someday you will.  Then I said something that wasn't really me.  It was when your ying finds the right yang it will all fall into place.  I'm not a big ying/yang person but I do know that sometimes things click and sometimes they don't.  Sometimes you have to come to the point where you realize - this ain't happening.  This is like riding a bike with the brakes on all the time.  I know what that feel like.  One of our bikes actually had the brake rubbing up against the tire.  The bike wouldn't even coast,  In order to MOVE you had to peddle and peddle hard.  While my biking companions were cruising down the bike path I was exhausted from peddling against the rub.

So today I came to a conclusion.  That is that in order for me to be the best, most healthy me, changing have to take place.  I'm on a journey and I will not be derailed.  I have resolve.  I will be healthy and that means adding in the things that are good for me, and releasing those that are not.  I cannot live my life peaking through my fingers wondering when this chapter will be over.  I need to open my eyes and decide what is the perfect place for me to be!