Lost my way - FOR A DAY

On the day Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died, I went in for an elective hysterectomy.  I woke up with news that they found a fist sized tumor wrapped around my ureter.  They called in a very competent surgeon who removed it.  They thought it was benign.  Little did they know it was a very rare cancer called Leiomyosarcoma.  They also didn't know that Leio needs to be taken out whole.  With clear margins.  The fact that he took it out in pieces put me on the path I am on today.

It spread.  Some metastasis on my liver and lungs.  Stage IV.  In the 4 years since my initial diagnosis I have had two rounds of IV chemotherapy.  Gem/Tax which I was very allergic to so they loaded me up on steroids.  I only made it through 3 rounds out of 4 because my lungs started crystalizing.  Then a clinical trial with Doxirubicn and a new drug called Threshold.  Did well on that.  But later on realized the Doxi had hurt my heart.  Then I went in for an 7 hour surgery where they removed a recurrent tumor on my ureter.  They took the ureter and reconstructed a new one with bowel tissue.  They also cut out some mets on my liver.

I gained 22 pounds in the hospital.  Fluids that were going in but not going out.  Then I went to stay with my mother.  Slept all the time and immediately lost 50 pounds in a month.  I was gaunt.  Weak.  It took two full months to recover.

I've had a tumor removed thorascopically from my lung.  I've had two radio frequency ablations on my liver which zapped tumors.  I've been taking an oral chemo drug for over a year and now they want me to change chemos to try to shrink a recurrent tumor which is growing in my abdomen.

When I went to Mayo this last week I realized I thought about dying again.  The doctors hadn't seen me in over a year and could not believe how healthy I looked.

They don't know me.  I have gone from a mother of three to a grandmother of FOUR!  The thought of my grandchildren not knowing me had me lamenting a lot!!  It didn't help that I was watching Private Practice on Netflix and every single episode had some crisis and people dying.  I cried several times while watching.

I realized I did my best when I was doing the healthy things like taking massive amounts of Vitamin C and Magnesium and Calcium and Ubiquitol and Vitamin D and juicing fresh fruits and vegetables and eating raw vegan.

I am going to go right back to this!  This is the way I will live.

I lost my way - FOR A DAY!!  I will stop living in denial and realize if it is to be it is up to me!!!