Futulity

For the last few days I have had this feeling of futility:

futile·ness n.

Synonyms: futile, barren, bootless, fruitless, unavailing, useless, vain
These adjectives mean producing no result or effect: a futile effort; a barren search; bootless entreaties; fruitless labors; an unavailing attempt; a useless discussion; vain regrets.

I have been trying to fight this sickness over and over and over again.  It seems LMS has a mind of its own and no matter how you batter it with chemo, surgery, diet, etc. it never goes away.  I find myself frustrated because no matter what I do, I am faced with the same predicament.

I've also had this feeling in my personal life as well.   I allow dysfunction to affect me.  It brings me to a place where I have to step back and think about why I allow things that are not good for my health to happen repetitively. 

I know for a fact that stress is a very bad thing for people fighting illness.  Unfortunately there are so many stressors in my life.  I've decided I've got to address them and not fall into old patterns.

Someone I was talking to the other day reminded me of the definition of Insanity.

Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of INSANITY!!!

I have allowed myself to fall into patterns which do not prove useful to me and for some reason I think it will turn out differently every single time and it never does.

I realized, the person was right.  I am INSANE!

How do you muster the strength to put an end to the dysfunction?  How do you move on something that you know will be uncomfortable but it is the only thing that can remove you from the dysfunction?

Am I afraid that I might hurt someone else?  Am I afraid of the unknown?  What am I afraid of?  I only have one life to live and in order to live a better life, I have to be somewhat selfish when i make decisions that will affect my health in the long run.

What are the patterns in your life which are not useful?  How can we all make better choices and move forward when the status quo is somewhat comfortable?