Each day I go to Facebook and I scroll down. There are so many "self help" posts that I share. Constant reminders to not let other people get you down, to love yourself, etc. etc. Some sarcastic and funny. Some deep. Some that are naughty. I read them and try to internalize them. It seems I am trying to undo some of the baggage which I have carried around with me for so long.
Something hit me today. Are we all searching for that perfect place of bliss? Do we wish we could always be in a good mood? Do we wish we had that perfect marriage? Do we wish we were doing better in our career or that we even had a career? Do we wish we were in better health? I know all these things are true.
It seems it's hard to live for today. We look back and regret. We look forward and hope. But today gets by us. I have this and this and this to do. I'm too busy. I didn't sign up for this. This is not the way it was supposed to be. My plan backfired on me and it's not working out.
I remember once I had everything figured out. My plan was implemented. Unfortunately that plan involved another person and they did not perform in the way I had anticipated and the plan blew up in my face. I was mortified. The person turned out to be nothing like I thought they were and because of that I had to revert back to a place I was trying to get away from. I was very resentful to that person. Because of them my plan didn't work.
Have you ever had everything figured out and then it didn't work the way you had anticipated? Does that make you mad?
Don't you just want to be happy??? Does it exist? As long as you are trying to find happiness in another person, you will never be happy. You have to find happiness in yourself.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Some new healthy choices
Well, I really wasn't supposed to announce this to the world but I am trying my hand at a 10-Day Detox. I didn't announce it on Facebook as I do with everything else it seems.
Fresh juices, soups, smoothies, teas. I learned something the hard way. Do not juice a bunch of fruits and vegetables and then guzzle them down. For me that is an instant trip to the bathroom and a sick stomach. Today I learned to sip on the juice for an hour. Nourishing my body with every sip and not freaking my system out. Lots of fluids. Giving my digestive system a break.
Then I was introduced to a company called Prudent Produce. My friend, Sheree Clark suggested this company for fresh organic produce. They will deliver it to my door. As far as I can figure, I'll spend less money than I normally spend and get a lot better produce.
Jeff told me he would build me two raised beds. I am excited to grow my own vegetables this year!!
These are three things I am doing!
Fresh juices, soups, smoothies, teas. I learned something the hard way. Do not juice a bunch of fruits and vegetables and then guzzle them down. For me that is an instant trip to the bathroom and a sick stomach. Today I learned to sip on the juice for an hour. Nourishing my body with every sip and not freaking my system out. Lots of fluids. Giving my digestive system a break.
Then I was introduced to a company called Prudent Produce. My friend, Sheree Clark suggested this company for fresh organic produce. They will deliver it to my door. As far as I can figure, I'll spend less money than I normally spend and get a lot better produce.
Jeff told me he would build me two raised beds. I am excited to grow my own vegetables this year!!
These are three things I am doing!
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Toxic Emotions
I walked into Wellspring yesterday. Just 3 days until a 70 year old business closes it's doors. It was during my last few years there that I had symptoms (a pain in my back) and then was diagnosed with cancer. Because of my pain and my quest for self awareness, I gravitated towards the health section of the store. One book, Deadly Emotions caught my eye and I decided to read it.
Because of the circumstances and dynamics of my life, I found myself in a constant state of stress. For a time I would even diagnose myself as having clinical depression. I cried a lot. Laid in bed a lot. I had this overwhelmingly futile feeling. I felt trapped in my circumstances and felt there was no good way for me to get out of them. Perhaps you have suffered from this as well. Only those who have been really depressed know the extent at which it can paralyze you.
Anyway, after reading the book Deadly Emotions I realized that every single bit of bitterness, anger, rage, hate and stress could effect my body. To this day I wonder if one of the factors causing my cancer was the amount of rage and bitterness I felt. I truly could not get over some of the things that made me so angry and yet I felt so helpless to do anything about.
One of the hardest things to do is to let those things go. Especially stress. If you are living with something that stresses you it is hard to release that stress. It may be financial problems, relationship problems, health, job loss - you name it.
Also it is very hard to forgive. How do you forgive someone who keeps hurting you? What if they don't perceive the hurt? It is just the way they are but for you, it feels like a constant wounding. With every snide word, sarcastic comeback, belittling statement, condescending glance, the anger gets the most of you and you don't want to forgive that person. The unforgiveness turns to bitterness.
So what does that do to your body? It places unnecessary stress on your heart. It causes aches and pains and cancer and stomach issues. It effects your body. It hurts you not only psychologically but physically.
We've got to release the toxic emotions. We have to forgive knowing that the person who we are forgiving may never acknowledge they need forgiving. We need to breathe in the midst of our stress. We need to go to counseling. We need to exercise. We need to eat healthy. We need to let go and let God!
Because of the circumstances and dynamics of my life, I found myself in a constant state of stress. For a time I would even diagnose myself as having clinical depression. I cried a lot. Laid in bed a lot. I had this overwhelmingly futile feeling. I felt trapped in my circumstances and felt there was no good way for me to get out of them. Perhaps you have suffered from this as well. Only those who have been really depressed know the extent at which it can paralyze you.
Anyway, after reading the book Deadly Emotions I realized that every single bit of bitterness, anger, rage, hate and stress could effect my body. To this day I wonder if one of the factors causing my cancer was the amount of rage and bitterness I felt. I truly could not get over some of the things that made me so angry and yet I felt so helpless to do anything about.
One of the hardest things to do is to let those things go. Especially stress. If you are living with something that stresses you it is hard to release that stress. It may be financial problems, relationship problems, health, job loss - you name it.
Also it is very hard to forgive. How do you forgive someone who keeps hurting you? What if they don't perceive the hurt? It is just the way they are but for you, it feels like a constant wounding. With every snide word, sarcastic comeback, belittling statement, condescending glance, the anger gets the most of you and you don't want to forgive that person. The unforgiveness turns to bitterness.
So what does that do to your body? It places unnecessary stress on your heart. It causes aches and pains and cancer and stomach issues. It effects your body. It hurts you not only psychologically but physically.
We've got to release the toxic emotions. We have to forgive knowing that the person who we are forgiving may never acknowledge they need forgiving. We need to breathe in the midst of our stress. We need to go to counseling. We need to exercise. We need to eat healthy. We need to let go and let God!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Doing my due diligence
I've been raised a Christian all my life. Fact is, I have believed it, too.
I remember taking an INSTE class through the Open Bible Churches and telling my group I always felt like there was this elite group of people who get it and I am not a part of that group. Always felt like I couldn't get to the next level - like I was an outsider.
Maybe because as a child and young adult my faith was really a religion that scared the hell out of you or shamed you to death. The end of the world was always near and I would surely be left behind if I happen to be in a bar or some other "non-Christian" place during the rapture.
I think my brother would agree with me. Everything we ever did we were made to feel guilty about and so two young kids who were raised in a pentecostal world did everything we could to do our own thing. I suppose our parents couldn't understand where they had gone wrong with their children pretty much being hellions (in their opinion.)
Despite my crazy young lifestyle, I always believed the basic Christian tenets. Still perk up when I hear of natural disasters or wars on the news. I go along acknowledging the Christianese. I understand the verbage and became a master at Church-speak while working in a Christian bookstore.
I was talking to a friend who is approaching retirement age. She's still working with a tyrannical boss but has developed a "I don't care" attitude. She understands that she could quit right now and have retirement to fall back on so she no longer has to take the bosses stuff. It's a freeing thing for her. It's the same feeling I have had since I was diagnosed with cancer. I just don't care anymore. I mean, I care, but in light of what might happen to me, I am free to say things I would keep to myself before. I try not to be too harsh, but I can see through facades and I just can't sit back and listen to lies and half truths without calling people out. I have no tolerance for anyone who is phony. If you cannot be yourself, then I have a problem with that.
Anyway, so I decided I wasn't really going to accept my Christianity at face value. I no longer was going to accept the argument, "that's what the Bible says so it is true." Ok, but how do you know the Bible is true? I think the Mormons think the book of Mormon is true. The Muslims believe the Quran is true. The Jewish think the Old Testament is true but not the New Testament. The New Agers believe God is in us. The Scientologists think L. Ron Hubbard was THE man.
So I am on my quest for truth.
When I met and married Jeff we started attending Lutheran Church of Hope. Mostly to give him his Lutheranism because that's what he felt comfortable with. Little did I know that we would enter a mega-church who actually "gets it." Mike Housholder is the pastor and when he teaches he basically tells you, "if you do not believe it, check it out." He talks of historical evidence of Jesus' death and resurrection. He doesn't do a song and dance on the stage that is such a turn off to me!! He doesn't try to scare you to death or make you feel guilty. Whatever this man learned in seminary made him a great leader in a church that keeps growing by leaps and bounds.
So here's what I am doing. I am vulnerably asking God to show himself to me. I am doing research on the historical evidence of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I am reading the Bible and trying to figure out if this is a credible account of the Jewish Messiah.
I want it to be true. I want to know what Jesus means by "I am the way the truth and the light. No one comes to the Father but by me." Does that mean that if you have not accepted Jesus as your Lord and personal savior that you will not get to the Father? What about the people who have never heard of Jesus? Or the people that came before Jesus? Is there really a hell that people are banished to forever and ever? Do we really go into the air and live with Jesus and God on a cloud "drinking kool aid out of styrofoam cups in a church basement" scene. (That last quote was from John Eldredge's book The Sacred Romance - love him - such a great speaker!)
I no longer will accept it because that's what everyone who has kids at DM Christian believe and to not believe it makes you a heretic. I won't believe it because my parents told me that's how I should think. I won't NOT believe it because a very smart person tells me it is a fairy tale and a crutch. Fact is, I don't need a crutch. I won't believe it to stay in the good graces of other people. But I won't NOT believe it to stay in the good graces of other people.
So what do I hope to accomplish with my studies? I hope to find out that I can believe it. I'm not gonna lie. I want it to be true. But I don't want to be even for a minute one of those Christians who says AMEN all the time or who starts every conversation with a Bible verse. I want to be someone who understands it, believes it and exudes it from my very being. Not because I look down my nose at you because of your "sin." Or has a "holier than thou" persona. If Christianity means that than I do not want any part of it.
I look at churches. All of them. I don't think they look very much like the early church. I just can't see a bunch of men in sandals walking into a tent and shaking hands with a greeter who dutifully hands them the sequence of events scrolled on papyrus. I can't see them sitting in rows of benches. Standing to sing repetitive songs. Sitting for announcements. Standing again. Taking an offering. Then Jesus comes up but he has slicked his hair back. He tells the Good News by reminding you to give him money and never drink a beer. It all seems so foreign to the Jesus you read of in the New Testament.
I'm digging deep. I went to be prayed for during Alpha and I stood at the foot of the cross and looked up. I prayed to be healed and I was touched. I went to Easter service yesterday and was touched many, many times. It felt true. It felt right. But is it? Was my feeling the Holy Spirit wooing me unto him? Or have I been programmed to respond that way? The more beautiful the song and the better the singer gives me more of a touch than someone who goes on stage and butchers a song?
I would like to read some books. I've read some of the well known apologetic books like "Case for Christ." My only problem with that book is that the author, Lee Strobel does not interview anyone who doesn't believe. He only interviews Biblical scholars. Of course, they are going to defend the Bible. I welcome suggestions from people on good books to read. I want to find out what and where. I don't want to be categorized. I want to figure it out on my own.
This is an aside, but I feel the same way about politics. I read people's posts on FB and realize there are some widely varied opinions on politics. I don't want to believe something just because my parents believed it or because most of my friends believe it. But again, I am not going to agree with someone else just because their argument is louder and prouder than the next...
On a quest for answers. I welcome comments.....
I remember taking an INSTE class through the Open Bible Churches and telling my group I always felt like there was this elite group of people who get it and I am not a part of that group. Always felt like I couldn't get to the next level - like I was an outsider.
Maybe because as a child and young adult my faith was really a religion that scared the hell out of you or shamed you to death. The end of the world was always near and I would surely be left behind if I happen to be in a bar or some other "non-Christian" place during the rapture.
I think my brother would agree with me. Everything we ever did we were made to feel guilty about and so two young kids who were raised in a pentecostal world did everything we could to do our own thing. I suppose our parents couldn't understand where they had gone wrong with their children pretty much being hellions (in their opinion.)
Despite my crazy young lifestyle, I always believed the basic Christian tenets. Still perk up when I hear of natural disasters or wars on the news. I go along acknowledging the Christianese. I understand the verbage and became a master at Church-speak while working in a Christian bookstore.
I was talking to a friend who is approaching retirement age. She's still working with a tyrannical boss but has developed a "I don't care" attitude. She understands that she could quit right now and have retirement to fall back on so she no longer has to take the bosses stuff. It's a freeing thing for her. It's the same feeling I have had since I was diagnosed with cancer. I just don't care anymore. I mean, I care, but in light of what might happen to me, I am free to say things I would keep to myself before. I try not to be too harsh, but I can see through facades and I just can't sit back and listen to lies and half truths without calling people out. I have no tolerance for anyone who is phony. If you cannot be yourself, then I have a problem with that.
Anyway, so I decided I wasn't really going to accept my Christianity at face value. I no longer was going to accept the argument, "that's what the Bible says so it is true." Ok, but how do you know the Bible is true? I think the Mormons think the book of Mormon is true. The Muslims believe the Quran is true. The Jewish think the Old Testament is true but not the New Testament. The New Agers believe God is in us. The Scientologists think L. Ron Hubbard was THE man.
So I am on my quest for truth.
When I met and married Jeff we started attending Lutheran Church of Hope. Mostly to give him his Lutheranism because that's what he felt comfortable with. Little did I know that we would enter a mega-church who actually "gets it." Mike Housholder is the pastor and when he teaches he basically tells you, "if you do not believe it, check it out." He talks of historical evidence of Jesus' death and resurrection. He doesn't do a song and dance on the stage that is such a turn off to me!! He doesn't try to scare you to death or make you feel guilty. Whatever this man learned in seminary made him a great leader in a church that keeps growing by leaps and bounds.
So here's what I am doing. I am vulnerably asking God to show himself to me. I am doing research on the historical evidence of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I am reading the Bible and trying to figure out if this is a credible account of the Jewish Messiah.
I want it to be true. I want to know what Jesus means by "I am the way the truth and the light. No one comes to the Father but by me." Does that mean that if you have not accepted Jesus as your Lord and personal savior that you will not get to the Father? What about the people who have never heard of Jesus? Or the people that came before Jesus? Is there really a hell that people are banished to forever and ever? Do we really go into the air and live with Jesus and God on a cloud "drinking kool aid out of styrofoam cups in a church basement" scene. (That last quote was from John Eldredge's book The Sacred Romance - love him - such a great speaker!)
I no longer will accept it because that's what everyone who has kids at DM Christian believe and to not believe it makes you a heretic. I won't believe it because my parents told me that's how I should think. I won't NOT believe it because a very smart person tells me it is a fairy tale and a crutch. Fact is, I don't need a crutch. I won't believe it to stay in the good graces of other people. But I won't NOT believe it to stay in the good graces of other people.
So what do I hope to accomplish with my studies? I hope to find out that I can believe it. I'm not gonna lie. I want it to be true. But I don't want to be even for a minute one of those Christians who says AMEN all the time or who starts every conversation with a Bible verse. I want to be someone who understands it, believes it and exudes it from my very being. Not because I look down my nose at you because of your "sin." Or has a "holier than thou" persona. If Christianity means that than I do not want any part of it.
I look at churches. All of them. I don't think they look very much like the early church. I just can't see a bunch of men in sandals walking into a tent and shaking hands with a greeter who dutifully hands them the sequence of events scrolled on papyrus. I can't see them sitting in rows of benches. Standing to sing repetitive songs. Sitting for announcements. Standing again. Taking an offering. Then Jesus comes up but he has slicked his hair back. He tells the Good News by reminding you to give him money and never drink a beer. It all seems so foreign to the Jesus you read of in the New Testament.
I'm digging deep. I went to be prayed for during Alpha and I stood at the foot of the cross and looked up. I prayed to be healed and I was touched. I went to Easter service yesterday and was touched many, many times. It felt true. It felt right. But is it? Was my feeling the Holy Spirit wooing me unto him? Or have I been programmed to respond that way? The more beautiful the song and the better the singer gives me more of a touch than someone who goes on stage and butchers a song?
I would like to read some books. I've read some of the well known apologetic books like "Case for Christ." My only problem with that book is that the author, Lee Strobel does not interview anyone who doesn't believe. He only interviews Biblical scholars. Of course, they are going to defend the Bible. I welcome suggestions from people on good books to read. I want to find out what and where. I don't want to be categorized. I want to figure it out on my own.
This is an aside, but I feel the same way about politics. I read people's posts on FB and realize there are some widely varied opinions on politics. I don't want to believe something just because my parents believed it or because most of my friends believe it. But again, I am not going to agree with someone else just because their argument is louder and prouder than the next...
On a quest for answers. I welcome comments.....
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I want the stress to go away
I was talking to a friend today and she said to me, "you don't need the stress. You need to put every ounce of energy into healing and health."
I realized that there is a lot of stress in my life. Not only am I dealing with cancer and chemo, but I'm dealing with a child with autism, another child who is a single parent who is working and going to school and another child who has decided to stay home with her three children and live on one income. These are normal stressors which I can deal with.
But it's the other stressors which take a toll on me. It's problems other people have that somehow infiltrate me and my family. It's the closing of the business we ran for 17 years. It's the emotional demands placed on me which I cannot bear the weight of.
I have been digging into faith issues and trying to figure out where and why. I wonder why people hurt my family? What did we do to deserve the rejection and hurt? I wonder why I cannot depend on very many people? I wonder why I cannot rise above everything? I wonder why I get sucked into doing things I do not want to do and people do not realize that their demands on me are too much.
I want the stress to go away!
I realized that there is a lot of stress in my life. Not only am I dealing with cancer and chemo, but I'm dealing with a child with autism, another child who is a single parent who is working and going to school and another child who has decided to stay home with her three children and live on one income. These are normal stressors which I can deal with.
But it's the other stressors which take a toll on me. It's problems other people have that somehow infiltrate me and my family. It's the closing of the business we ran for 17 years. It's the emotional demands placed on me which I cannot bear the weight of.
I have been digging into faith issues and trying to figure out where and why. I wonder why people hurt my family? What did we do to deserve the rejection and hurt? I wonder why I cannot depend on very many people? I wonder why I cannot rise above everything? I wonder why I get sucked into doing things I do not want to do and people do not realize that their demands on me are too much.
I want the stress to go away!
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I used to be...........
When I was a child, I would watch my dad play fast pitch softball. He was pretty well known around the Omaha area as an excellent pitcher. Our church team won a lot of championships. Dad also played church league basketball. He used to be a jock. He was good at a lot of sports. Not only did he enjoy watching sports, but he enjoyed playing sports.
When he got older he had heart problems and diabetes. He could barely walk. That man who used to be a jock was living in a body that no longer allowed him to be the person he once was.
I used to be young. That illusion of invulnerability. Always young. Always healthy. WRONG!
I have tried to instill into other people how ignorant we all are until it is too late. Well, I guess I cannot say we ALL are ignorant because there are some people that get it. Some people exercise and eat healthy because it's the right thing to do. How many people put their heads in the sand and continue to do things to themselves that will not lead to a healthy body down the road? A lot of us. How many people have you seen gain weight over the years? How many people do you know of who suffer from arthritis or cancer or other things that change their lives?
Right now I consider myself marked. Before I would think about tummy tucks or botox or other things that might enhance my appearance. Now, I am not worthy of such things. I have been transferred into a group of cancer fighters. My abdominal surgery left me with a big scar and an uneven belly. I have an area on my stomach where the abdominal wall is too thin. My oncologist poo poos me when I ask about having the area fixed. "You've got more important things to worry about." So suddenly you are no longer a person who gets to think about normal things. Why should you when you are fighting for your life? I know that I cannot give blood. I cannot donate my organs. I also cannot get an organ. A liver transplant might save my life in the future but I cannot get one because I have cancer.
I used to be walking along minding my own business when BAAM!! My life changed.
When he got older he had heart problems and diabetes. He could barely walk. That man who used to be a jock was living in a body that no longer allowed him to be the person he once was.
I used to be young. That illusion of invulnerability. Always young. Always healthy. WRONG!
I have tried to instill into other people how ignorant we all are until it is too late. Well, I guess I cannot say we ALL are ignorant because there are some people that get it. Some people exercise and eat healthy because it's the right thing to do. How many people put their heads in the sand and continue to do things to themselves that will not lead to a healthy body down the road? A lot of us. How many people have you seen gain weight over the years? How many people do you know of who suffer from arthritis or cancer or other things that change their lives?
Right now I consider myself marked. Before I would think about tummy tucks or botox or other things that might enhance my appearance. Now, I am not worthy of such things. I have been transferred into a group of cancer fighters. My abdominal surgery left me with a big scar and an uneven belly. I have an area on my stomach where the abdominal wall is too thin. My oncologist poo poos me when I ask about having the area fixed. "You've got more important things to worry about." So suddenly you are no longer a person who gets to think about normal things. Why should you when you are fighting for your life? I know that I cannot give blood. I cannot donate my organs. I also cannot get an organ. A liver transplant might save my life in the future but I cannot get one because I have cancer.
I used to be walking along minding my own business when BAAM!! My life changed.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
An outsider can always solve your problems
My daughter, Courtney and I were talking. There are several things going on around us that we observe and feel that we could solve. She asked me why it is that she feels she has all the answers and the people living with the problems don't seem to have a clue? Or if they have a clue, their lack of movement or perceived lack of initiative seems perplexing and questionable to us?
So from a couple of girls who think they have all the answers, here are some general suggestions to everyone in a situation that they cannot seem to get out of.
First thing. Business advice. I remember when my mom and I started doing the Christian Retail thing. We would go to convention and pay to get training on how to do it. We got a lot of advice. The one that sticks out the most to me was this. Only stock in your store things that people will buy. That proved very hard in the beginning. What do people want? You've got salesmen from every publisher, music company and gift company telling you to buy their stuff. At first you buy everything because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and then you realize you can't pay the invoices on time and that way of buying goes out the window. After years of buying and having it all computerized, you could pretty much predict how a certain author's new book would do. We also realized we couldn't buy based on our taste. At first we had a lot of florals in the gift gallery. That was my mom's taste. Then we had a different buyer and we had lots of lace. It was an art to let go of personal preferences and stock a variety of things that would appeal to a larger audience. We had a motto and that was even if we didn't personally believe the way a certain author believed, as long as their basic Christian beliefs were right, then we didn't let denominational differences get in the way.
So what about business in general.
1. Advertise. You must keep in constant contact with your customers. Especially your good customers. If they keep coming in and keep buying, keep sending them catalogs and coupons.
2. Location, location, location. What once was a good location may not be now. Make sure you are where your customers will already be. Now? In the Des Moines area? That means near Jordan Creek Towne Center. A few years ago the mall wasn't there. Now everything is there.
3. Give exceptional customer service. A recent review of the worst customer service companies placed Walmart as the worst. If you cannot discount your merchandise to compete with Walmart, than you maybe should be great at what they don't have. Customer service!
Now advice on job hunting. In 2008 we had a major collapse in our economy. Many people are out of jobs. I've heard stories of men and women who went from senior management to doing whatever they could to earn a paycheck. Unfortunately, there are a lot of proud people out there. People who will not "settle" for something beneath them. So even if the economy turns, when applying for a job, the interviewer might ask what they've been doing these last months and years. I guarantee the person who tells them they were doing anything to put food on the table is the person they will hire over the proud, educated person who would not lower themselves.
Case in point. In the early 1980s I worked at the busiest restaurant in the state of Iowa. Chi Chi's rocked the corner of 22nd Street and University in West Des Moines. Busy ALL the time. A new company bought us and their Vice President was a very dynamic up and coming restauranteur. I wanted management and I let the VP know it. He would talk with me and I would let him know that I wanted to move up. I tried very hard to be the best at what I did so I could become an assistant manager. There were others who wanted management as well. Two men in particular were very interested so he asked me what I knew about them. The thing he confided in me was his hesitation in hiring them due to lapses in their job history. He felt he couldn't trust his restaurants to people who didn't CONSISTENTLY work. I didn't realize it back then but I do now. Your window of opportunity to work your way up and make something of yourself is a pretty small one. If you stop and start and stop and start and do not humble yourself by starting at the bottom and working your way up, you may miss it all together and find yourself older and unemployable. So the key is, don't be too proud to do anything. Get in at the bottom and show them what you can do. Before you know it you've made a career out of it.
Next, don't make decisions based on fear. A month or so ago I wrote about my fear of falling over dead from a sudden cardiac arrest. My cardiologist reminded me that living in fear was not a way to live. It made me paralyzed to move forward. Every decision I made was based around this fear.
I see other people doing the same thing. "I cannot see the future so if I make this decision and it is the wrong one then I will regret it." So they don't make the decision. Or they put the brakes on the decision. We've all heard the adage, "hind sight is 20/20." That is very true. In fact, I am such a believer in this that there have been so many times that I have told myself, "if I knew this was going to happen, I would have never made that decision." But maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. If all of us sat paralyzed, afraid to make a stupid choice, some of the most wonderful and rewarding things would not happen to us. My mom had built a little business in California in 1966-68. She was very happy. My dad got orders to Bellevue, Nebraska and my mother did NOT want to go. The company was small enough that she could call the president. She did and the president told her to go where her husband was stationed with a happy heart. My mother went (probably begrudgingly) and built a huge business in the midwest. She was the top person in all of Nebraska and Iowa and South Dakota and Minnesota and Wisconsin and Illinois. She had the whole midwest. She could have stayed with her little group in California and never known the difference. But she went and great things happened. It's hard to look past today and see the future. It's hard to look past ourselves and see what our decisions will ultimately do to those around us. Sometimes we have to take a step of faith and think, "well, if this doesn't work out I can always make another move down the road." That is better than staying in your comfort zone and not trying and living to regret your indecision. If you cannot make a decision, find a mature person with whom you can confide in. If you ask your best friends, they will support you for being you. Sometimes close people cannot look past the here and now either. Find a stable, mature person whom you trust if you need a push to stay or to go. (Like the president of my mom's company.)
Lastly. Relationships. So many people live in a constant state of turmoil. Sometimes the dysfunction becomes all too encompassing and the people involved can't seem to get themselves out. We, looking in can see the problems and cannot understand how months and years can go by without any resolution to problems. My simplified advice is this. If you need help, get it. If you get help from people other than professionals, make sure to reciprocate by doing for those people as well. If you become someone who takes and takes and takes, but never gives, you become an emotional vampire. Get professional help to sort out your emotions. Give and take. People will respect you more when you are involved in mutually beneficial relationships. When you can be relied on to step up to the plate and do your part, then you are on your way out. Not all relationships are salvageable. If you find yourself in a friendship or more intimate relationship that doesn't work even though you have tried to make it, decide on a course of action, ask for support from others and then implement the plan. Like the Footprints poem. Sometimes you need to be carried. Allow yourself to be helped. But work to get better so that you can help others. Your experiences can often times be just what another person needs to hear to get them through a similar situation.
There, Courtney. That's me rambling on about business, jobs, decision making and relationships. I'll bet you have more to say. In fact, you probably have better things to say. Because between the two of us, we could surely save people a lot of problems, huh?
So from a couple of girls who think they have all the answers, here are some general suggestions to everyone in a situation that they cannot seem to get out of.
First thing. Business advice. I remember when my mom and I started doing the Christian Retail thing. We would go to convention and pay to get training on how to do it. We got a lot of advice. The one that sticks out the most to me was this. Only stock in your store things that people will buy. That proved very hard in the beginning. What do people want? You've got salesmen from every publisher, music company and gift company telling you to buy their stuff. At first you buy everything because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and then you realize you can't pay the invoices on time and that way of buying goes out the window. After years of buying and having it all computerized, you could pretty much predict how a certain author's new book would do. We also realized we couldn't buy based on our taste. At first we had a lot of florals in the gift gallery. That was my mom's taste. Then we had a different buyer and we had lots of lace. It was an art to let go of personal preferences and stock a variety of things that would appeal to a larger audience. We had a motto and that was even if we didn't personally believe the way a certain author believed, as long as their basic Christian beliefs were right, then we didn't let denominational differences get in the way.
So what about business in general.
1. Advertise. You must keep in constant contact with your customers. Especially your good customers. If they keep coming in and keep buying, keep sending them catalogs and coupons.
2. Location, location, location. What once was a good location may not be now. Make sure you are where your customers will already be. Now? In the Des Moines area? That means near Jordan Creek Towne Center. A few years ago the mall wasn't there. Now everything is there.
3. Give exceptional customer service. A recent review of the worst customer service companies placed Walmart as the worst. If you cannot discount your merchandise to compete with Walmart, than you maybe should be great at what they don't have. Customer service!
Now advice on job hunting. In 2008 we had a major collapse in our economy. Many people are out of jobs. I've heard stories of men and women who went from senior management to doing whatever they could to earn a paycheck. Unfortunately, there are a lot of proud people out there. People who will not "settle" for something beneath them. So even if the economy turns, when applying for a job, the interviewer might ask what they've been doing these last months and years. I guarantee the person who tells them they were doing anything to put food on the table is the person they will hire over the proud, educated person who would not lower themselves.
Case in point. In the early 1980s I worked at the busiest restaurant in the state of Iowa. Chi Chi's rocked the corner of 22nd Street and University in West Des Moines. Busy ALL the time. A new company bought us and their Vice President was a very dynamic up and coming restauranteur. I wanted management and I let the VP know it. He would talk with me and I would let him know that I wanted to move up. I tried very hard to be the best at what I did so I could become an assistant manager. There were others who wanted management as well. Two men in particular were very interested so he asked me what I knew about them. The thing he confided in me was his hesitation in hiring them due to lapses in their job history. He felt he couldn't trust his restaurants to people who didn't CONSISTENTLY work. I didn't realize it back then but I do now. Your window of opportunity to work your way up and make something of yourself is a pretty small one. If you stop and start and stop and start and do not humble yourself by starting at the bottom and working your way up, you may miss it all together and find yourself older and unemployable. So the key is, don't be too proud to do anything. Get in at the bottom and show them what you can do. Before you know it you've made a career out of it.
Next, don't make decisions based on fear. A month or so ago I wrote about my fear of falling over dead from a sudden cardiac arrest. My cardiologist reminded me that living in fear was not a way to live. It made me paralyzed to move forward. Every decision I made was based around this fear.
I see other people doing the same thing. "I cannot see the future so if I make this decision and it is the wrong one then I will regret it." So they don't make the decision. Or they put the brakes on the decision. We've all heard the adage, "hind sight is 20/20." That is very true. In fact, I am such a believer in this that there have been so many times that I have told myself, "if I knew this was going to happen, I would have never made that decision." But maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. If all of us sat paralyzed, afraid to make a stupid choice, some of the most wonderful and rewarding things would not happen to us. My mom had built a little business in California in 1966-68. She was very happy. My dad got orders to Bellevue, Nebraska and my mother did NOT want to go. The company was small enough that she could call the president. She did and the president told her to go where her husband was stationed with a happy heart. My mother went (probably begrudgingly) and built a huge business in the midwest. She was the top person in all of Nebraska and Iowa and South Dakota and Minnesota and Wisconsin and Illinois. She had the whole midwest. She could have stayed with her little group in California and never known the difference. But she went and great things happened. It's hard to look past today and see the future. It's hard to look past ourselves and see what our decisions will ultimately do to those around us. Sometimes we have to take a step of faith and think, "well, if this doesn't work out I can always make another move down the road." That is better than staying in your comfort zone and not trying and living to regret your indecision. If you cannot make a decision, find a mature person with whom you can confide in. If you ask your best friends, they will support you for being you. Sometimes close people cannot look past the here and now either. Find a stable, mature person whom you trust if you need a push to stay or to go. (Like the president of my mom's company.)
Lastly. Relationships. So many people live in a constant state of turmoil. Sometimes the dysfunction becomes all too encompassing and the people involved can't seem to get themselves out. We, looking in can see the problems and cannot understand how months and years can go by without any resolution to problems. My simplified advice is this. If you need help, get it. If you get help from people other than professionals, make sure to reciprocate by doing for those people as well. If you become someone who takes and takes and takes, but never gives, you become an emotional vampire. Get professional help to sort out your emotions. Give and take. People will respect you more when you are involved in mutually beneficial relationships. When you can be relied on to step up to the plate and do your part, then you are on your way out. Not all relationships are salvageable. If you find yourself in a friendship or more intimate relationship that doesn't work even though you have tried to make it, decide on a course of action, ask for support from others and then implement the plan. Like the Footprints poem. Sometimes you need to be carried. Allow yourself to be helped. But work to get better so that you can help others. Your experiences can often times be just what another person needs to hear to get them through a similar situation.
There, Courtney. That's me rambling on about business, jobs, decision making and relationships. I'll bet you have more to say. In fact, you probably have better things to say. Because between the two of us, we could surely save people a lot of problems, huh?
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