All my life I was raised in a pretty conservative Christian church. The denomination where we went was (looking back) very strict, very pentecostal and pretty extreme. I have to admit I was a bit rebellious because everything I had read in the Bible didn't back up the rules and regulations with which we were expected to adhere.
I've always been a Christian but have had questions. Lots of questions. I have been exposed to many different Christian denominations when my children attended Des Moines Christian School and when I was a part of Wellspring Christian Resources. At Wellspring we had many different angles from which to look at Christianity. We had books about why you should speak in tongues and then we had books about why you should not speak in tongues. All during that time I was trying to decide what I believed.
So much of it doesn't make sense to me. Jeff and I are taking an Alpha course at Lutheran Church of Hope. I'll call it Christianity 101. Most of what they are talking about I have already been taught. It is a good refresher. All it makes me want to do is study the Bible a bit for myself. Dig deep and decide if what I've heard over and over again can actually be believed - for me - in my life.
The cancer diagnosis has made me over think a lot of things. Can I really be healed? Every time I get prayed for I want to believe, but I go to the doctor and the cancer is still there. Why do some people get prayed for and BOOM, they are cured? Other people get prayed for and nothing. They die. Then someone says, "Oh, they were healed. Death is healing." Yes, but.........
Last Sunday's lesson at Alpha was about healing prayer. I was particularly interested in it for obvious reasons. I listened to the lecture and then took advantage of the prayer opportunities. No, there was no evangelist with slicked back hair, pushing me over and speaking in tongues. (That is what I expected of faith healers due to my experience in the past.......) There were 4 opportunities. You could sit in a chair and someone would silently come behind you, place their hands on your shoulders and pray. When they were done you left. There was also communion. There were baskets set up on the stage. You could write your requests, pray and then go. Plus they had small groups you could go to and actually express your requests and the group would pray.
I had never thought of communion as more than a ritual. A remembrance. However, the speaker talked about it being an opportunity to be close to God. I saw it differently. I took it and found some power in it for the first time. Then I went to the "soaking" prayer circle. Someone prayed for me. Then I got up and left. Tears were coming to my eyes. I really want this cancer to go! Then I wrote it down and got in line to place it in a basket. I went up and my basket just happened to be at the foot of the giant cross at Hope. I looked up and it towered above me. I was in awe of where I was standing. I called out to God to take this cancer from me. I placed my request in the basket and went back to my seat. I felt something. I really felt something. No organ in the background. No dancing in the aisles. No people behind me to catch me if I was slain in the spirit. No. Quiet time asking God to heal me. It was very refreshing!
Then I was watching American Idol and Curtis Finch, Jr. sang and again, I felt God. I was touched. It was good.
My mind is opening up to the ways of God. Not the ways of the church. Although I am very thankful Jeff and I decided to visit Hope. He was raised a Lutheran so he really felt comfortable in that setting. It had just enough familiarity to what I was used to so it was comfortable for both of us. But what I found was a church that was not judgmental. They were so different than what I was used to. Real. Authentic. Oh yes, they do the sing, shake hand thing that most churches do, but the Pastor is not preachy. He teaches from the pulpit and you believe him because he's believable. He's a regular guy with kids. I love, oh love the lack of hail fire and brimstone. I love the way in which he presents the word. Anyway, it's a good church and Alpha has finally helped Jeff and I to plug in to a giant church.
And I'm looking forward to my next scan because because I actually believe I could be healed.
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