Paralyzing Fear.

I went to the cardiologist today for a check up.  They have had me on a drug for quite some time to help with the heart damage I have due to a chemotherapy agent I was on.

While talking to the cardiologist, I released as we talked that I am dealing with paralyzing fear.  I am afraid of some of the symptoms I have been having so I don't allow myself to do things.  When mom and I went to the older adult class at the Y I got dizzy and had to sit down.  When I walk up to Chelsea's apartment by the time I hit the third floor I am sucking air.  I passed out a couple times in Europe due to low blood pressure.  All of these things make me nervous.  I'm worried that my heart is failing and that I am going to fall over dead of a sudden cardiac arrest.  Meanwhile, not a month ago a friend I worked with at Chi Chi's DID fall over dead of sudden cardiac arrest.

They did two tests on my heart today which will tell if the medicine I have been on has helped.  I am going back in a week to go over the test with her.  She told me my fear is paralyzing me.  I need to figure out if my heart is same or better and then need to ease into an exercise program.  I didn't want to whine but I am on chemotherapy right now, too, so maybe I am a little more tired than the average person at my age with a little heart damage.